Being a New Mom

Beatrice Chia-Richmond welcomed her first child, Sol last Saturday as reported in Life! section of The Straits Times.

Whenever I read or hear of such news my first instinctive thought is, “All the best for the coming few months as your life becomes one big chaos…” Not quite the “Congrats! I’m so happy for you!”

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for the new moms and there is just something magical in welcoming a new baby into the world. But boy did the reality, that I was not quite prepared for, hit me hard when my first born came into this world in 2003.

I wasn’t prepared for how tough breastfeeding would be. Sore nipples, engorged boobs. Being “on call” 24/7 to feed baby. I literally felt like a cow. I would spend about 45mins to an hour feeding baby, 2 hours later (or less), baby cried for milk… again! Round the clock, no day, no night. So much so that whenever baby cried, I would be crying inside silently. Hubby couldn’t help take over feeds, not when I was breastfeeding. All he could do was to pat me and say, “There, there. You are doing well. It’ll get better.”

I wasn’t prepared for a colicky baby. What? Colic? I’ve never even heard of the term before baby arrived. Baby hubby-jr would cry, more like scream with clenched fists, arched back till he was all red, inconsolably, sometimes for hours. Nothing helped. Rocked him, sang to him, etc. It almost drove me nuts. It’s incredible how my baby’s cry affected me as a mom. Every single muscle and nerve in me froze, my heart pounding rapidly. Then thankfully, we found the magic oil! Yu Yee Oil. Just rub some between your hands before rubbing onto baby’s tummy. It soothes baby’s painful belly and calms baby. Just like magic. Well at least it worked for mine. That and colic drops (Infacol, Dentinox).

Then there’s my post birth hormones to deal with. I’d be on an emotional roller coaster ride. It was a very tough first year. The first 6 weeks were hellish. Then it got a teeny weeny better. Three months later, things got a little bit better, baby could smile and respond and I was beginning to enjoy baby more. Six months on and things were getting brighter as baby’s sleeping and feeding pattern became much more sane. At his one-year birthday, I’m celebrating “Yay, I made it through the first year!”. Only then could I look back at the extremely challenging and rewarding year to say that it was an amazing journey. I grew so much as a person.

Everyone congratulates you when you’re expecting your first kid. Almost no one warns you of the hardship you have to go through in the first year to earn your stripes as a parent.

These days hubby and I give new parents (they’re easy to spot, those with fatigued demeanour and baby in arms) a knowing pat and tell them, “There’s light at the end of the tunnel. For now, things may seem like they’ll never get better but they do. So hang in there.”

Christmas Lights?

“Christmas lights!” hubby-jr exclaimed excitedly (huh? in May?), pointing to the decorated lights along a road near our home.

“No boy-boy, those are not Christmas lights. Yes they are lights but they’re to celebrate Vesak Day…,” hubby trying to explain. There’s a temple just round the corner where we live.

More than two and half years ago…

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….” hubby-jr started singing and clapping while waiting for the bus. It took a few seconds before I realised that hubby-jr thought that the thick red joss-sticks stuck on the ground were candles! (Adding to the confusion were the chinese “cup cakes” beside them!) It was the hungry ghost time of the year!

Twas a Good Yesterday

Woo hoo! I had a good yesterday. Hubby and I watched Pirates of the Carribean 3 in the morning and had lunch kids free! Needless to say, it’s been awhile. Okay, it was not that long ago. We managed to catch Spiderman 3 on the big screen too several weeks ago. BUT this time we didn’t have to sneak out and we didn’t come home to a angry hubby-jr. To our surprise hubby-jr was happy to let mommy, daddy go out. Is my son out-growing his separation anxiety thingy? I sure hope so. Oh… my baby is growing up!

That’s the way it is with kids isn’t it? They go through these phases. When they are going through them you’d think they’d never change, hard as you try. Then suddenly (well, not so suddenly, it sometimes takes months) when you least expect it, they surprise you! After that, it’s almost as if the weird phase never happened and sometimes we forget it did.

Well sometimes. But more often than not a mommy does not forget and is just saving a databank of memories. At the right time and right place I’ll search the databank for the ”right” story to tell. When hubby-jr’s older… ah hah! that’s when I’ll unleash his ”lovely” childhood stories… at family gatherings, to his friends… and… to his first girlfriend. Bits and pieces here and there. Repeating some over and over again. Hahaha (evil laugh). Oh the joy of motherhood! Hmm…

Oh where was I again? Oh yes, twas a good yesterday.

Grrr… snap!

I’m having one of those really BAD days. Nothing serious happened. “I” happened. Just woke up feeling reaaally crabby. Not the occasional cheesed off kinda crabby but the I-hate-the-world kinda crabby. I think it’s the time of the month again!

During my pre-mommyfied days, under such circumstances I probably would have taken the day off from work. I’d vegetate in the room, reading or watching TV. Or maybe indulge in some retail therapy, alone. Point is, I would have minimised having to relate to people.

BUT now in my mommyfied state, that’s almost impossible. My kids are just too young to understand, “mommy needs to be alone”. Ten minutes is probably the max they can give me. I’m always almost tempted to just let them watch their favourite TV show continuously. At least until hubby comes home from work but my conscience gets the better of me (even crabby me).

So they had to contend with a snappy mommy. Hubby a snappy wife. Almost everything they did/do irritates me, “grrr… snap!”

Hopefully I’ll snap out of this crabbiness when I wake up tomorrow. At the meantime hubby is praying for a happy pill to be invented even as I write.

Help! Mommy’s a walking stick.

Every late afternoon I’ll bring my kids down to the nearest “happening” playground.

It’s all part of a strategy to expand hubby-junior’s boundless energy - nothing like getting him to run and climb and jump and run and… you get the picture! After 30-45 mins of fun, I bring him home for dinner. Hungry boy eats a lot faster! Heh heh heh… See? All part of a plan. He sleeps better too. Heh heh heh…

The plan worked very well for a while. Active hubby-jr was happy. I was happy to just chill out as there was no need to supervise my son closely. Little missy was happy to sit  and children-watch.

BUT then… two months ago, little missy began to learn how to walk. She could walk just holding on to me with one hand. Since then she too wants a piece of the action at the playground. So now, mommy’s also a “walking stick” to little missy. No more chilling out, I’ve to walk with my little girl and she’s very active too. Dragging me here, dragging me there.

Yes, it’s been more than two months and she still refuses to try and walk on her own despite all our best efforts to encourage her. More than TWO months already ah, aiyo! (Hubby-jr went through this phase too but it was much shorter, maybe just three weeks?) Lagi worse is that her energy level is increasing, she wants to walk even when she’s home (we’ve toured our flat many, many, many times over). It’s wearing me out!

“Come on baby girl, let go of mommy’s hand and walk on your own, you can do it!” If you hear that, it’s just me chanting.

P/S: One good thing came out of it though, I think I’ve lost a kg or two.

Prata and Nature Walk

Finally after being holed up at home for the last two weekends (kids were sick one after the other), we ventured out of the house yesterday.

We headed down to Casuarina Curry Restaurant for the yummiest prata in town. Ever since hubby found this place, we’ve not been anywhere else for prata. Their yumdelicious prata is tasty, fluffy and crispy. Simply heavenly!

After the satisfying breakfast, we took a nature walk (hike) at the Lower Pierce Trail. We walked down Old Upper Thomson Road to the Casuarina entrance of the Trail. It’s lovely to stroll along the boardwalk that’s partly shaded by nature. I especially like the part where the boardwalk takes you along the edge of the reservoir. Very serene and the view is marvellous.

We’ve done this couple of times but we’ve never completed the entire trail. We usually turn back halfway. Next time perhaps.

P/S: Hubby carried little missy in a front facing baby carrier for our little hike. The Trail is not quite stroller friendly as there are a number of steps. But if you are the gungho sort it still can be done as the steps are kinda gradual.

Potty Training

Woo hoo! For the third day in a row, my darling girl (she turned 14 months yesterday) poo-ed only ONCE within the day and into the potty. Yippee!! It’s a BIG celebration because it has taken me almost 6 months to get to this point.

 potty.jpg <–Little Missy at 8+ months, Dec 06

I started when she was about 8-9 months old. Every morning after her breakfast I’d sit her down on the potty. The first time was for about 5 to 10 mins and increasing it to 15mins - during which I would make the “mmm-mmm” sounds (yup for the entire time she’s on the potty). Yes, initially she did protest, we just ignored her whines and gave her lots of toys and distracted her. When one day after about 2-3 weeks she managed to poo in the potty, I clapped and said “clever girl!” so she’d know that’s what she was suppose to do. However little missy, missed most of the time and getting her to poo in the potty in the morning was like striking a lottery. Not only that, she’d poo at least three times a day in her diaper. Can you imagine all the icky diaper changes I had to go through?!

Why try potty training her so early then? Well, after hearing a success story from a friend, I tried it on my older boy when he was just 6-7 months old. My son got into a regular motion pattern within a month! No more icky diaper changes and it was so liberating. Imagine no worries of having to change a big icky poo especially when we’re out.

Anyway back to my little missy. Despite the lack of success I decided to just persevere. So every morning after breakfast, I’d continue sitting her down on the potty. Sometimes I even let her sit there for about 30 mins (this was because there were several times when she poo-ed not long after I’ve taken her off the potty and bathed her). Success was sporadic, maybe once in 3 weeks I’d get a strike. Sometimes even two days in a row and I’d get all my hopes up only to be dashed by an empty potty on the third.

I was on the verge of giving up. Then! Two months ago, it got consistent. Yeah… after three months of “mmm-mmm-ing” to nothing she finally poo-ed every morning in the potty. She’d clap too when I praise her. But she still poo-ed an average of 3 times a day, so I still had icky diaper changes. So, a resigned me thought this is my girl’s bowel system, 3 times a day, well at least it was one icky-diaper-change down a day. Then! Three days ago, she poo-ed only ONCE within the day and in the potty, in the morning. She’d sit quietly and play by herself on the potty and poo within 10mins without me having to do the “mmm-mmm-ing”. Hallelujah!

Am I pleased with my girl? Sure am! Am I pleased with myself? What, but of course! (Patting myself on the back! :-) )

WWF - Baby vs Mommy

Remember the picture I posted 3 days ago of my baby girl? She looked just like a little lady, sweet and all. That’s what a pink dress and hair band can do! Well don’t be deceived, watch this video and judge for yourself! 

(Turn up the volume to hear the referee – my hubby, and the spectator – my son)

   

Yah, alright, she still looks very sweet but she’s also very active playful and mischievous. And… I somehow have a hunch that this will not be our last wrestling match (I’m sure we’ll have many battles of wits) AND it will not be the last time darling girl wins. Sigh… what can I say? I’m mommyfied!

Violence in Movies

I chanced upon this article a few weeks ago and would like to share it with you. 

Is there a relationship between violence in our movies and violence in our realities? An interesting view from someone in the movie industry. This was written against the backdrop of the recent Virginia Tech incident.

Making a Killing
By MIKE WHITE
Published: May 2, 2007, New York Times
Los Angeles

THE first movie I ever made was called “Death Creek Camp.” It told the age-old story of a group of teenage guys who set out on a fun-filled wilderness excursion only to be stalked and murdered by a psychopath disguised in a hockey mask and a blue kimono. It was no masterpiece of cinema.

Most of the scenes played out the same way - one of the fresh-faced hikers would get separated from the group. He would hear a noise in the bushes. “Bob? Jerry, is that you? Charlie?” Suddenly, from behind a tree, the stalker would pounce and blood would fly.

Why the killer wore a blue kimono was never explained nor why he wanted these nice campers dead. He was a deranged monster and that’s what monsters do. As the filmmaker, I was more interested in how the ketchup would drip off the victim’s cheek and where to plunge the retractable knife. I was 12.

The inspirations for this home movie (and the centerpieces of many Saturday night sleepovers) were slasher films like “Friday the 13th,” “Halloween” and “Terror Train.” My friends and I would eat junk food, drink soda and watch these cinematic bloodbaths until we dozed off, visions of gore and mayhem dancing in our heads.

Even though we all came from religious families - my father was a minister - it was rarely questioned whether our adolescent minds should be exposed to this kind of gruesome material. And clearly, we were the intended audience. My parents never sat and watched, nor did my sister, for that matter. The movies were titillating, shocking and dumb - and we teenage boys thought they were so cool. We devoured them and they, in turn, juiced us up.

After the horrific events at Virginia Tech, the relationship between violence in our movies and violence in our realities is being examined once again. Was Seung-Hui Cho inspired by a movie (the South Korean revenge flick “Oldboy”) when he murdered 32 of his classmates and teachers? Was Mr. Cho a deranged predator in a horror film, or was he a lost kid who could have been reached?

Hollywood and defenders of violent films dismiss Virginia Tech as a “unique” event, arguing that Mr. Cho was profoundly alienated from our culture, not at all a product of it. They assert that there are law-abiding, sane American moviegoers who love the thrill of a visual bloodletting, and then there are mentally disturbed people like Mr. Cho, constitutionally wired to do damage - and never the twain shall meet.

These commentators insist there’s no point debating which came first, the violent chicken or her violent representational egg, since no causal link has ever been proven between egg and chicken anyway. Besides, violent images can be found everywhere - on the news, in great art and literature, even Shakespeare!

For those who believe that violence in cinema consists of either harmless action spectacles or Martin Scorsese masterpieces, I might suggest heading down to the local multiplex and taking a look at some of the grotesque, morbid creations being projected on the walls. To defend mindless exercises in sadism like “The Hills Have Eyes II” by citing “Macbeth” is almost like using “Romeo and Juliet” to justify child pornography.

The notion that “movies don’t kill people, lunatics kill people” is liberating to us screenwriters because it permits us to give life to our most demented fantasies and put them up on the big screen without any anxious hand-wringing. We all know there’s a lot of money to be made trafficking in blood and guts. Young males - the golden demographic movie-makers ceaselessly pursue - eat that gore up. What a relief to be told that how we earn that money may be in poor taste, but it’s not irresponsible. The average American teenage boy knows the difference between right and wrong and no twisted, sadistic movie is going to influence him.

My own experience as a teenager tells me otherwise. For my friends and me, movies were a big influence on our clothes and our slang, and on how we thought about and spoke to authority figures, our girlfriends and one another. Movies permeated our fantasy lives and our real lives in subtle and profound ways.

It’s true nobody ever got shot in the face in my backyard, but there were acts of male bravado performed in emulation of our movie anti-heroes that ranged from stupid to cruel. And there were plenty of places where guys my age were shooting one another all the time. There still are. Can we really in good conscience conclude that the violence saturating our popular culture has no impact on our neighborhoods and schools?

The calamity at Virginia Tech is unfortunately not as unique an event as we’d like to think, but the sheer number of victims has grabbed our attention and inspired some collective soul-searching. As responsible Americans put their heads down on their desks and reflect, should the scribes of popular entertainment be excused to the playground? We screenwriters may be overgrown teenagers who still want to be cool, but we aren’t 12 years old anymore. Maybe we’re not responsible for Mr. Cho’s awful actions, but does that abrogate our responsibility to the world around us?

Most of us who chose careers in this field were seduced by cinema’s spell at an early age. We know better than anyone the power films have to capture our imaginations, shape our thinking and inform our choices, for better and for worse. At the risk of being labeled a scold - the ultimate in uncool - I have to ask: before cashing those big checks, shouldn’t we at least pause to consider what we are saying with our movies about the value of life and the pleasures of mayhem?

Mike White is the screenwriter of “School of Rock” and, most recently, “Year of the Dog.”

Some say brinjal or eggplant, others say aubergine, I say… purple mushroom?!

Yup, that’s what I told my son a brinjal was.  

Mommy: “Darling, try this, it’s purple mushroom and it’s yummy.”(Mommy mixes brinjal into rice with some sauce. Son opens mouth and takes a bite.)

Son: “Purple mushroom” (pointing to brinjal dish and chewing)

Mommy: “Yes darling, that’s purple mushroom.” (Cough) ”Nice?” (Feigning sincerity.)

Son: “Nice.” 

Yes, guilty as charged. I told a little lie. But that was a long time ago (a year or so?) and I’ve since told him the truth, OKAY?! 

The thing is my son is a picky eater. He doesn’t like vegetables and is reluctant to try anything new. I’ve to force him to eat green veggies by chopping them into fine pieces and mixing them into his dinner, adding lots of sauce. One of his favourite foods however is shitake mushrooms (dried or fresh). Hence the little fib to get him to eat a non-green, non-orange (he knows what a carrot is, unfortunately) vegetable willingly. It’s an associative thing, once it’s a “vegetable” it’s not going to taste good.  

I’ve actually put the one-time purple mushroom episode behind me and totally forgot about it until my hubby mentioned it recently. Anyway, nowadays I don’t tell my son what veggie is in his dinner. I just “rojak” everything together and mention only his favourite stuff. E.g. “See darling, there’s egg, mushroom and lots of sauce!” It’s obvious that there are finely chopped greenies in the “rojak” dinner but we’ve reached an understanding that mommy’s the Boss and he’ll have to eat them. Just don’t mention the v-word. 

P/S: Brinjal remains one my son’s least despised “v” till today.