This is a great article I found by way of Rocks In My Dryer. A must read for all parents whether your kid is quirky or not.
Kids Who Don’t Fit In… You and Your Quirky Kid by Lorraine Ali, Newsweek.
Have a great weekend!
Motherhood started like boot camp for me and when things got better after a year, I thought I could finally cruise through parenting. Boy! Was I wrong?! I’ve had to revise my expectations again and again and AGAIN!
You see I have a quirky son. Most times he is “normal” but certain other times, not so. If you have the time you can read about it here, here and here.
Most recently we discovered that he could possibly be suffering some hearing loss in his left ear which may require a hearing aid. While 70 percent of me has come to terms with this, 30 percent of me is still struggling. It’s hard news to hear. My dream of a “perfect” boy is no longer intact. Part of me is grieving for that loss.
Trust me, I know there are people who are worse off than I am. Trust me, I am thankful that he can still lead a “normal” life. I KNOW. Yet the fact remains that I am only human. I am a normal mommy. I need to grieve my “loss”. Then and only then can I move on, accept it fully and bring up my son as best as I can (with lots of grace from God of course!).
Katherine from Raising Five wrote a very, very beautiful post today on how we should let go of our dreams and embrace our children (and parenting and our husbands) for who they are. If you’ve not been to her blog, you have to TODAY! Like NOW!
These thoughts ministered to me this week as I struggle… God didn’t make a mistake creating my special son. HE not only chose Hubby-jr to be my son, HE chose ME to be his mother. HE will not lead me where HIS grace will not keep me.
And I found this verse that spoke to me of HIS love for little children and their mommies.
Isaiah 40:11 (NKJV) He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young.Motherhood is extremely tough (as I’m finding out and am sure will continue to find out) but as Katherine puts it, we will get through it.
Today I’m revealing my secret to whipping up a super-duper quick and easy but oh so yummy Asian vegetable dish(es). The secret is… fried shallots and garlic oil! I’d like to call it the wonderful Asian dressing!
Just chop the garlic finely and cut the shallots into thin slices (diagonally, so they look coin shapes) and fry them in oil (vegetable or peanut) until they are golden brown. You can chop as many as you wish but if you need a guide, start with 10 shallots and 5 cloves of garlic and fry them in about quarter cup of oil. Store it in a covered jar. And always scoop out fried shallots and garlic together with the oil to make yummy vegetable dishes.
Add 1-2 tbsps of wonder oil + 1 tbsp of light soy sauce to any ONE of the following:
OR
Add 1-2 tbsps of wonder oil + 1 tbsp of oyster sauce to any ONE of the following:
Blanch all vegetables first and quickly add the dressing while hot. As for the tofu, heat it for a minute or so first in the microwave.
Yup, that’s my secret to lazy cooking. I whip up a large batch of this yummy fried shallots and garlic oil and store it in a jar which can last me up to three weeks (that’s cause I use it almost every other day). Blanch the veggie of the day, scoop some of the wonder stuff, add some light soy sauce or oyster sauce and voila! I’ve a delicious veggie dish!
For other WFMW tips this week click here.
* Cooked this way, these vegetables dishes are called “yau choy” literally meaning oily vegetables in chinese.
P/S: I learnt this secret from my mom.
I’ve been suffering a bout mommy guilt of late due to my short fuse. Almost nothing makes me feel worse than having lost my temper at my kids. Their eyes turning red and brimming with tears haunts me way after the storm has subsided and even after I’ve asked for forgiveness.
So it was beautiful to chance upon this quiz at MotherStyles (thanks to Are We There Yet?). It provided me some small relief. Hey, these things are wonderful for positive reinforcement. No matter what type you are, they just know how to make you sound like such a great mommy! (Don’t we all just need to hear it more often than we actually do.)
It’s a very simplified quiz based on The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® instrument (MBTI). If you want a more detailed thingy, you’ll have to pay. Me pay? Nah, I’m too cheapskate, I just did the simple quiz (nothing too serious, thank you) AND I am a… “Tuned In” mother! According to the site, that means I’m the following:
See? Cool description huh? I’m not sure about the first point… especially the bit on… *cough* “tending patiently” *clear throat*. Me? Patient? Hahahaha… but the other two points do seem to fit.
Anyway, for those of you who are familiar with the MBTI, the above description was based on me being an INFP. It’s very interesting because years ago (when I was single, when I had a employee paying job), I actually did the “real” MBTI test and I was (I am?) an ENFP. How’s that? I’ve no idea. I thought MBTI’s suppose to test your innate personality so it shouldn’t change? Yes I did try clicking ENFP but the description didn’t fit so well. The only explanation I could think of was perhaps it’s because I’ve always been in between an (I)ntroverted) and (E)xtraverted but leaned just a little more towards “E”. So does that mean I’m more “I” now? Hmm…
Oookay, ’nuff of the rambling. What about you? What’s your mothering style? Go on. Check it out. Don’t be afraid. With them, you’re never ever bad!
I remember watching this magical feat on Martha Stewart sometime ago. While it wowed me then, she did it so quickly that I never learnt the trick.
Well last week hubby came home one day, all excited, and showed me this video on Youtube. Yes, its the same trick but with very easy to follow step-by-step instructions. I tried it and it works and it is simply AMAZING!!!
What did I tell you? Awesome huh? Takes a little practice to master it and even if you can’t change the way you fold your tees, you can always use this to wow others. Just like a magic trick of sorts. Hmm… if you have older kids you could also use this to make folding laundry more cool and fun!
For other tricks… er I mean tips, head here.
My son’s first masterpieces! Yes, he’s produced better art pieces but these are the only “proper” sketches he’s ever done! The other arty stuff were mainly “abstract” painting and cut and paste thingies.
(Mr Cactus? Yes, it’s a cactus with a face)
(A Thunder Storm - big dark cloud and lightning flashes)
Something must have happened in the cosmic world one afternoon cause Hubby-jr decided to sketch! Okay, he was actually bored to tears (we had to park ourselves at the immigration office for some passport processing thingy). But he seemed so intent as he sketched. When our turn finally came I had to drag him by his sleeves while he clung on to his pen, notebook and kept drawing. Yes it was quite a sight but hey! I was not about to miss our turn and wait any longer (we waited an hour)!
Seeing him so engrossed sketching my heart leapt, “Oh! Could it be that my little boy has finally developed an interest in drawing?” I started imagining him sketching buildings, airplanes, etc. (his favourite stuff). I even dreamed of him writing (you know ABCs, words). “The spell has broken, finally! Yes! Yes!” I swear I’m not making this up, I’m just an easily excitable person. It’s just who I am. Hubby always tries to bring me back to earth by trying to get me to moderate my expectations. That’s because he knows the more excited I am over the “eggs” (or should it be chickens?), the more let down I’d be when they fail to “hatch”.
And indeed… the “egg” didn’t “hatch” this time. Hubby-jr’s sketching bug lasted all but one afternoon… S.I.G.H. I don’t know how it works but ever since then, I’ve not been able to persuade him to even doodle. So that’s why I’m immortalising these few sketches (picked the best of the lot). They are indeed truly… RARE.
Ever since Can A Stay At Home Mom Be Sane? I’ve been meaning to write a follow up post but just couldn’t get my thoughts together. Then I read the post Mothering, over at Fruits In Season. It’s so well written and so encouraging.
Yes, life as a SAHM can be quite insane! (If ever there was an understatement…) But keep the faith, sisters, keep the faith. Amidst all the insanity we are building a home for our children and it will all add up to something. Yes, even when we think we’re bad or lousy mommies. You know what? I’m pretty much preaching to myself too cause boy! Do I need something to hold onto to keep sane… daily!
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.Now head on over to Fruits In Season and read that post. She’s put together the reality and hope of motherhood so well.
As for me, I’m off the hunt down the book, The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child’s Heart for Eternity by Sally Clarkson!
Okay, I’m finally writing a somewhat overdued update on my post, A New Journey. Last week we (hubby and I) brought Hubby-jr to his first test, a hearing test.
I don’t know if its bad or good news but one thing’s for sure I feel very relieved. Preliminary findings suggest that Hubby-jr has problems hearing the lower decibels (I think 20-30) on his right ear. His left ear however has perfect hearing. The audiologist has not confirmed her diagnosis and we’ve to see her again for another test early October. The current results may have been less than perfect as Hubby-jr may have just gotten less responsive due to restlessness (he is only 4!). She doesn’t want to mistake hesitant response to not hearing well and hopefully the next test will be more conclusive.
How am I taking the news? Like I said, I feel very relieved NOW but I was almost reduced to a wreck when the audiologist dished out the results. “I’d like to see him again… something may be wrong with his right inner ear… can’t hear very soft sounds… he’ll have to wear hearing aid… may need more tests to see if it’s structural… may be progressive (hearing loss worsens)… see if it’s operable…” The audiologist just wanted to prepare us for what may lie ahead but as a parent, those words hit me like waves, BIG Strong waves! Whoosh! WHOosh!! WHOOSH!!!
Thankfully it only took a day or two for the waves to subside and I began to see things rationally. The news although not ideal wasn’t so bad and would help explain the concerns his nursery teacher had regarding him not doing well in group activities and not socialising well with his peers. PLUS we would know how to help him.
Yes, if her diagnosis is confirmed based on this initial assessment, my son will have to wear a hearing aid on his right ear and attend formal speech therapy sessions.
While he may be experiencing hearing loss only for soft sounds and only in one ear, it’s affecting his speech development. This is because a lot of the sounds used in our spoken language fall within the lower decibel range. So he may have problems hearing some words clearly. And while he can understand us well at home, in a noisier setting he’d have problems deciphering verbal language. For example in a class full of children he may not catch what the teacher is saying. Hence a hearing aid will help. Hearing loss also affects his social skills which can lead to lower self confidence, self esteem. Social skills how? Apparently he may have problems understanding words spoken by someone unfamiliar as he’s not used to their voices and the way they speak.
Meantime as I work on Hubby-jr’s speech at home I’ve to speak more to his left ear (so that he can catch the right diction) or make sure he’s looking at me.
I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I finally took this journey of tests. I’m so relieved that we are finding this out now instead of when Hubby-jr’s seven. With a little help he’ll be able to catch up in his speech and we’re able to help build his self confidence.
So I have this advice for parents…
If your child is still experiencing speech delay by four years old seek professional assessment. Yes, visit a speech therapist. If nothing’s wrong, praise God. If something’s amiss you’d be thankful to have caught it early. I know it’s very scary just thinking about what the cause might be but it could make a world of difference to your child. When I think about it, it’s scarier for the child if something’s not right and we’re expecting him to fit in. If Hubby-jr is experiencing some hearing loss I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be for him to be left alone in a new environment especially in a big group. Knowing this I can help him cope.
Always opt for the infant hearing test. Over here in Singapore it’s optional and offered at birth. Unfortunately hubby and didn’t opt for it for both our kids. The audiologist told us that if Hubby-jr had done it, the infant hearing test would have been an invaluable baseline. She would have been able to tell us a if his hearing loss had progressed or regressed or remained the same and it would have helped in her overall assessment.
Hey ladies, wake up to a rude truth, Dr Derek Shepherd is just a figment of a woman’s imagination! Read the excerpt of an interview with Patrick Dempsey below and tell me your bubble isn’t burst.
…Patrick (Dempsey, the actor who plays Dr Derek Shepherd) admits it’s not surprising women love Derek Shepherd, because he believes he’s been created as every woman’s Mr. Right — handsome, caring, romantic, macho, and just neurotic enough. “I think there are a lot of men on our show that represent different elements of what women want, and collectively that’s one perfect man. McDreamy isn’t a real guy. I think people project this fantasy onto him and Shonda Rhimes (Executive Producer of Grey’s Anatomy) has created that kind of character who is sort of mythic in a way — an idealized man. Sometimes I think, ‘I would never say this,’ or, ‘I would never do that.’ I think men would not talk as much as the men talk on this show. Women need to talk it all out, guys want to just solve the problem and move on. And I could never understand why Derek went back to his wife, knowing what we know now. I just don’t think most men would have done that. I think the show is written to satisfy a woman’s point of view. But had I been writing it, we would have been on air for two weeks and would have been canceled,” he laughs.
Sigh… yes, I’m a huge fan of Grey’s Anatomy and I so love Dr Derek Shepherd. Yeah, yeah I know, I’m already in my 30s and mommyfied… I should know by now that TV shows are not real and it’s mostly fantasy… still… sigh… if only such a man existed… And why? Just why did Patrick Dempsey had to say such typical man things? Sigh… let’s face it! A man is a man is a man. Not “into” too much talking and always a’ fixing!
