There are days where

I swear I think I should be institutionalised. Days when I turn into Mr. Hyde simply because it is the “time of the month”. It’s not something I’m imagining or conjuring. I really turn Ug-Ly.

Not quite physically. None of my facial characteristics change, well, not structurally anyway. But I’m sure I look worn out, haggard and downright grouchy. Rather, what I mean is, suddenly one morning I wake up feeling like a truck just ran over me and I’m super duper uptight for the rest of the day.

Whatever patience I have in the first place (not much) goes entirely out of the window (and then some!) Innocent mistakes by my two lovely children drive me absolutely nuts. And to their detriment I sometimes lose it and shout at them. After shouting, I see their eyes swelling with tears and I sink deep (I mean d-e-e-p, deep) into guilt. I try to explain to them their mistake(s), then I apologise for overreacting, and then I kiss them and tell them I love them incessantly. Then I pray in my heart that there’ll be no permanent emotional damage. Drama huh? This drama will repeat itself a few times before the “days” are over. You have no idea the kind of emotional roller coaster I go through during these “times”.

Hubby knows my cycles by now and can tell from the signs when the “season” is about to arrive. The most obvious one being, “honey, I feel fat. Am I fat?” So he knows how to tip toe around me and keep the kids at bay. But when he’s at work… sigh.

How do I explain to my kids that it’s the time of the month? How do I explain that once every month mommy’s not quite mommy but it’s just for a few days? Sigh… Hmm… perhaps there should be an institution just for that.

P/S: This is not my first post (and probably not the last) on PMS, this is. Seriously, it is a problem and yes I’m going through it. Duh!

More About Me…

I’m sort of a personality test junkie. I simply can’t resist participating in a personality test when presented with one. And even though I’ve done the MBTI test more than 3 times already, I’d still do ONE more when asked to. AND whaddaya know? Recently I completed another one (free mah). Someone stop me please!

But you know what? Each time I do these tests I learn a little something more about myself. Well actually… they just spell out some of what I already know intuitively. The tests also make me realise that not everyone is wired the same. So I should just “chill” about the differences, not compare and be more accepting of others and myself.

The last test I did was quite enlightening. It gave a really indepth description (it has been sometime since I’ve read a lengthy one). Most of it was spot on too. What struck me particularly was its description of my type, ENFP, as parents. Here’s just 3 paragraphs.

ENFPs as Parents
ENFPs take their parenting role very seriously, but are also very playful. There’s a bit of grown-up kid in every ENFP, so they get a lot of fun and enjoyment from playing with their children. However, they consider it essential to pass their strongly-held values and beliefs down to their children, and will strive consistently to create a positive, ideal environment for their children’s growth. (That’s largely why I chose to be a stay at home mom.)

The ENFP may exhibit an inconsistency in their roles with their children. At one moment, they might be their child’s best friend, laughing and whooping it up, and in the next moment they may appear the stern authoritarian. This inconsistency seems to be a result of a conflict between the ENFP’s genuine desire to relate to their children on the children’s level, and their compulsion to follow their deeply-felt value system.

The ENFP is able to take care of day-to-day necessities, such as picking children up at the correct times, getting them to softball practice, getting them fed, etc. However, it is a chore for the ENFP and is not a natural strength. The ENFP also has a difficult time disciplining their children, unless a very strongly-held value has been violated.

Disciplining my kids definitely takes a lot out of me emotionally. Each “time-out” drains me. When we got married I told hubby that he would have to be the disciplinarian while I’d the “good” parent. Unfortunately that didn’t quite pan out since I’m the one who is with them all the time. I’ve unexpectedly (I certainly didn’t expect it) become a strict mom. Sigh. Hey, but I am fun OKAY! 

And YES it is a major chore for me to take care of the day-to-day stuff. Definitely not a natural strength. In fact I asked my hubby, “you mean, there are people who find it natural and who actually enjoy doing such stuff?” Dear hubby answered, “apparently so.” I guess that’s what separates the Martha Stewarts from the non-Martha Stewarts.

Tagged! 5 Things About Myself.

Oh, I’ve been tagged by Pilgrim Parent. I’ve to share 5 things about myself that most of you do not know about me. Hmm… this is not going to be easy since I’ve written 102 things about myself already… but here goes.

1. I’m terrified of birds! Yes I think they’re beautiful creatures and I like to admire them… but only from AFAR. Ask me to get near one or God forbid, stroke them… oh my, I’d probably collapse in fear. Once a bird flew into my room, I ran out, shut the door and waited (shaking) till it flew out again. Really, it’s tantamount to finding a rat!
2. Yes, I’m afraid of rodents too.
3. Speaking of birds… I can’t chop chicken that’s still whole and yes I’m talking about a cleaned up chicken sold at the supermarket. Chicken that’s intact with a neck (worse, a head!), Wings, thighs, feet… you get the picture, a whole bird. I’d probably cringe and gag if I HAD to do it. How do I cook dinner every night? I buy cut up pieces. Strangely I can cut those. Yes, I’m chinese and I grew up watching my grandma and mom chop up whole chickens but… I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.
4. In fact I can’t eat chickens whole. Serve me a fried spring chicken or those baked ones from the supermarket without cutting them and you’d probably see me freeze. There was once when I was in Macau our well meaning local host served us fried pigeons, whole (with the head, mind you)!! I almost died. Thank God my friend helped by cutting them into smaller pieces for me.
5. However, I can eat fish whole. I can even eat parts of the head especially yummy fish head curry. Yummm. I stop at eating the eyes though. Goooo…eeey!

There! 5 things you probably didn’t know about me. It may seem like I cheated a little but technically it IS a list of 5 things. Ah well, that’s another thing about me - I try to get away with whatever I can every now and then!

Two Years Ago

Two years ago today, this took place.

I held my baby girl for the very first time. It’s a moment I can never describe and one I will never forget.

Happy Birthday Little Missy. I’m so glad you’re here to complicate my life. No, not just “so glad”… I am extremely blessed. Extremely.

I caught it

I caught the chicken pox virus… just months away from my 37th birthday! I seriously find this rather amusing

Yes, even after I got myself a prevention jab (which was half expected). The doctor did say I still could get the virus but will experience a milder “attack”. (This is one of the reasons I do not gamble. Given a 50-50 chance I get the worse possibility.)

So far I’m having mild fever and just a few small spots (about 4?)… but more could appear within the next few days. I’m crossing my fingers that it’ll be REALLY mild (then again going by my track record of “luck”…)

Anyway, if you don’t see any new posts within the week… you’re probably right in assuming my symptoms worsened.

Oh well, that’s my life.

Spooked

Yes, my kids had a lot of fun playing with my brand new black storage box. But I must confess the episode spooked me out. When I saw both of them fitted in that box lying down I swear I could feel my hair(s?) standing up. And when I saw how they “disappeared” with the lid down… shudder… I was totally spooked.

I don’t know if I’m warped or if I just have an overactive imagination. I mean, there’ve been enough (too many if you ask me) real life news of murdered children or adults found stuffed in bags to warrant such an image don’t you think? Yes, yes, I was spooked major because that image flashed in my head (a split second was enough to do the job).

I even thought what if they hid in the box and suffocated and I discovered them too late!!! Of course my dear grounded, clear headed, less dramatic hubby had to point out that that was not possible as there were holes at the side of the box.

Well whatever it is, that was the first and last time my kids got to play with the box. Mommy has officially banned that activity. It’s just too spooky for mommy dearest. Well that, and the fact that all the climbing in and out of the box was causing the insides of my brand new box to fray!

Fruits of My Insanity

Ta da! Here’s two photos to show off some of the fruits of my temporary insanity. Both the tv console and the dining table used to be half filled with clutter. Now…. 

Not bad eh?

After the usual hectic weekend I’m pretty much back to myself. Yes, I’ve stopped the housekeeping madness. But I’m trying to maintain what I’ve done. At least (hopefully) until my parents’ next visit. It’ll make them real proud.

Temporary Insanity

Just after I talked about simplifying I was seized by temporary insanity. Since yesterday I’ve been attempting to transform my “refuge-camp like” flat to a perfectly kept one. If that’s not insanity I don’t know what is. And yes, it is temporary. Sooner or later my true-loathing-cleaning/tidying-self will return.

It started when I was invited to drop by a neighbour’s house two days ago. I am not exaggerating when I say that her house was I-M-M-A-C-U-L-A-T-E! Absolutely spotless. Absolutely free of clutter. Not ONE thing was out of place. It was like walking into a resort. Mind you, she has two kids and both are the same age as mine. Well yes, she has a full-time domestic helper but still…

I was awestruck and a tad embarrassed about my home.

After that I became somewhat possessed! I went into tidying, rearranging and throwing frenzy mode yesterday. In the morning my kids were left pretty much on their own (of course later hubby-jr went to school). “Mommy’s busy, busy, busy.” In the evening they were still left alone. “Sorry kids, mommy’s tired, flat out, exhausted!”

I had no time or energy to cook either, so hubby helped pack dinner home. As we were having dinner later I told him about what I did and why. “Is this why you’re exhausted? Can you please not do this anymore?”

“Okay,” I said. I was coming a little to my senses. By the end of yesterday I realized immaculate house was an unattainable goal for me (for us). It’s just not us - we’re not the orderly sort. And I think it would “kill” us if ever I became fixated with having an immaculate home.

Still, last night as I was watching American Idol I packed my room a little during commercials. I couldn’t help it. I was driven. A part of me was still in la-la land.

Actually a part of me still IS. I packed some more today but a lot less than yesterday. I’ve to seize this fervour as it comes by so rarely. Hey, I’ve managed to clear quite a fair bit. There are now only 2 to 3 problem areas left in my home. That’s down from 7 to 10! I’m so proud of myself (gush).

I’m actually hoping the insanity stays a little longer… at least till I’ve addressed ALL of them. Hmmm… well, maybe just almost ALL… there is this corner I just want to keep denying even exists. That corner (if it exists) needs some serious miraculous act of housekeeping.

Chinese New Year

I’m getting sadder by the day as Chinese New Year Eve approaches. It’s the time of the year where I’ve always looked forward to being with my parents, brother, aunts and cousins for our reunion dinner. Well this year we’re not traveling back to my hometown.

While some of you may dread these family gatherings (and I can understand why, all the history digging and 20 questions…) but having lived away for so long and missing so many family gatherings (such as birthdays, etc.) I miss them A LOT.

My mom always whipped up a feast. The same yummy fantastic dishes that I’ve come to look forward to every year. My aunt and my two cousins would join us and we would just eat and eat and talk. After dinner we’d sit around snack on mandarin oranges and cookies and talk some more. We’d go over stupid things we did as kids (and as adults) and laugh over them. We’d talk about our granny whom we loved and we’d poke fun at each other. And we’d watch the usual silly Hong Kong Chinese New Year movie (in Cantonese!) or the Hong Kong Variety Shows on TV.

That’s what we used to do on Chinese New Year Eve. Now my aunt and cousins are living in Melbourne. I’m here in Singapore. My parents will be having a quiet threesome with my brother in Malaysia.

Sigh. I miss our reunion dinners.

Never mind. Next year will be Chinese New Year in Malaysia! Yay! (Hubby and I decided to rotate every year.)

To all who celebrate it, Happy Chinese New Year! Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Breathe In… And Hold.

A few days ago I was inspired by my blog friend Ruth to dig out my wedding dress from my closet. Ruth displayed some of the hidden treasures found in her closet on her blog and it made me wonder if I had any in mine. Lo and behold I remembered my wedding dress! Yes I bought mine

Anyway, after admiring it for a few minutes I found myself wondering if I could still fit into it (my wedding was a little more than 6 years ago). So I tried it on and guess what? It fit! Yes it was a little tighter but I could button it all the way. However I imagine the buttons would come off popping one by one if I actually sat down! Yes I made hubby take photos, so here’s a shot (not bad eh?).

My wedding dress was a two piece thingy and I only tried on the top. I’m leaving the adventure of trying both pieces for another day, thank you very much. Buttoning this top alone was no easy feat!

P/S: I know I mentioned that I’m thinner now than ever before but I also mentioned that the weight loss wasn’t evenly distributed. The tummy, people, the tummy!