All I want to say is

I truly, truly set out to blog more faithfully this month after an abysmal one post in November. And I was starting to do well too, wasn’t I?

But, then…

I decided to reorganise my kids rooms (I finally gave Little Missy a bed and stowed her “playpen bed” away). With that I had to do some major spring cleaning (both rooms and my store room). Now it’s about 90% done (for now at least).

So…

My apologies to those of you who drop by faithfully (for the lack of posts lately). 

But…

At the sametime I also want to say a great big THANK YOU for staying interested in what I have to write. It is a wonderful encouragement to me, I appreciate your audience.

Having said that,

I’ll probably be silent for the rest of this week too. Sorry, it is Christmas and after that we’ll be away on a retreat.

BUT

before I go, here’s a video. It is an adorable take on Nativity and the Little Drummer Boy.

Blessed Christmas everyone!

What have I been doing?

Oh dear, I just realised that I have not posted anything for the last 3 weeks. Pardon moi. My parents were down for two and half weeks (they left 2 days ago, sniff) and I was busy doing stuff I couldn’t do on my own. Stuff like…

• Watching a Hong Kong cantonese drama (not recommended, highly addictive).
• Reading. I discovered Nevada Barr books and I love them. An investigative series of a park ranger named Anna Pigeon.
• Some house cleaning, i.e. throwing lots of accumulated junk.
• Spending a day or two downtown and having lunch date with hubby.
• Spending time with my parents. AND
• Napping or just plain vegetating.

It was BLISSFUL. Did I mention I LOVE my parents and I LOVE it when they visit? *innocent smile and blink-blink*

Well I’m back blogging but probably just once a week cause I’d still like to do some of the stuff above, albeit to a lesser degree. Nonetheless I hope you’ll continue to drop by.

It Was Not Just A Dance

“Backward, Forward, Shuffle, Shuffle… get ready for Chinese Dance… next is Malay Dance… now the Indian Dance…”

My son showed me a dance routine he learnt in school the week leading to Singapore’s National Day (9 August). I was so amused and thrilled that he not only learnt it but he could actually perform it.

They were going to perform this mass dance on 8 Aug 08 as part of his kindergarten’s National Day Celebration.

So the day before, I checked with his class teacher if I could witness the celebration (there was no open invitation to parents). After getting her green light, I snuck to school that eventful morning after I sent him off to his school bus, Little Missy in tow.

I wanted to surprise him. (He has asked me on several occasions to pick him up from school.)

Upon arriving at his kindy I stationed ourselves right in front of a small group of parents at the place where they’d perform the mass dance. He beamed when he saw us. I was half afraid he would cry and want to stand with me (as he would have done so last year). But he didn’t. He just smiled and kept glancing our way every now and then.

I was so proud. My boy is maturing so well.

Then the dance began. And even though I could only see his head (thankfully he’s tall) bobbling in a mini sea of red and white (all the children were dressed in the national colours), I felt a lump in my throat. I had to hold back my tears.

I swear if you could see through me that moment, you’d see an explosion of sorts. I was exploding with pride. Drama huh? Well it is partly because he was just SO different last year. Last year he would’ve just stood still and not participate. So for me to see him taking part fully in something like this was just…

Never in a million years would I have expected myself to feel that way over a mass dance performed by a group of pre-schoolers (of course I only had eyes for my five year old).

But I did. I am mommy-fied.

A Year On…

Mid July we met up with Hubby-jr’s class teacher for the kindergarten’s bi-annual parents’-teacher meeting. It was at such a meeting a year ago that his class teacher (then) was concerned with his lack of socializing and delay in speech. She (the teacher then) prompted us to have him checked and that led us to discover his hearing loss.I can’t believe it was just one year ago. Somehow it seems much longer. Maybe it is because we’ve gone through so much since then.

Looking back, I am very amazed at the progress I he we’ve made. (It’s great to look back once in a while to see where we started just to see how far we’ve come!)

His present class teacher reported he is doing well academically (even without me having to go through lesson plans with him). His written work is improving and he participates well in class activities. PLUS he’s interacting well with his classmates. Her only complaint was that he’s restless in class and often dozes off when she’s teaching! (Of which she has since rectified simply by changing his sitting position!)

He met one of his “buddies” while we were waiting that day and it was such a joy seeing him laugh and play with his friend. Just knowing he has made friends is huge enough on my happy indicator as it is. To be able to see him interacting and his friend reciprocating, it blew me away! Indeed he is such a different boy now, much more confident, friendly and talkative!

A year ago I went home with such a heavy heart. That day, I went home smiling (BIG smile) and extremely grateful (tearing grateful).

Stay Love

Grace is one of the Christian values I feel deeply about, having experienced God’s grace in my life. Knowing that God loves me for who I am and not what I did or didn’t do. Knowing that nothing I do (or did) will shock Him into not loving me has lifted and freed me beyond words.

Therefore I strive to impart this to my kids. I try to reinforce as much as possible that I love them even when they are naughty or disobedient.

“When I am naughty, mommy doesn’t love me,” Hubby-jr said one day.

“No, I love you even when you are naughty. I’ll always love you. When you are naughty you make me angry but I still love you. I love you because you are my son; you are God’s gift to me.”

The first time I told him, he seemed a little confused. How can mommy be angry (scolding and punishing) and still love him? After reassuring him a few more times, he took me at my word and repeated what I said verbatim, “mommy loves me even when I’m naughty.”

He asked me several more times (when I had to punish him), “do you love me when I am naughty?” And I’d reassure him. At times I’d also add, “I have to punish you when you are naughty because I have to teach you and I want you to learn to be a good boy.”

The question stopped after a while (a month or so ago?) and I almost forgot all about it until last night.

I lost my cool when they fought over a toy. Yes one out of tons that they have! As I was tucking them into bed I saw their dejected faces and felt sorry. So I said, “Hey, its okay, mommy’s not angry anymore. I won’t stay angry with both of you for long.”

And before I could say anything more Hubby-jr face lit up and he piped “but mommy will stay love you.”

“Yes, I will love you always. Both of you.”

My five year old got it. Sniff.

Good News, Bad News

Good news, I’m back (blogging). Bad news, I’m back (end of my visit to my hometown, end of my break). Good news, hubby is still on leave (he can help me with the kids!).

Good news, I’ve stuff to share with you (I wanna blog). Bad news, our home computer has breathed its last breath! (HELP!!!). Good news, hubby’s work laptop is here cos hubby’s on leave. Bad news, hubby’s going back to work next Monday. Hopeful news, hubby will FIX this problem before he returns to work (new computer? Anyone giving theirs away over at Freecycle?!)

How? What will become of me… if I’ve to go computer-less even if it’s just for awhile… HUBBY DEAREST PLEASE FIX THIS BEFORE MONDAY, PLEEEEASSSE. Pretty please, with a cherry on top????

Sometimes small and simple is good enough

1 Thomas & Friends Cake

2 Large Oishi Pizzas (and 12 yum-delicious chicken wings)

2 Close Friends (who’ve known each other since 4 months old) and their little siblings (that totals 5 children guests)

2 Mommy’s “motherhood” friends

That was what I whipped up in two days for my son, Hubby-jr, to celebrate his birthday. And that was all it took to make him a very happy boy.

My son is turning five tomorrow.

I was mulling for sometime in May as to what I should do for his birthday. Organising a birthday party on a weekend was one of the ideas I had. BUT when the holidays started (almost 2 weeks ago) I ditched the idea. You see, I was just plain too exhausted. It’s my first time winging a holiday with 2 kids without my parents (yup, they usually visit during the school hols). We (hubby and I) then decided to just bring him for a movie on his special day.

B-ut… then… just two days ago my friend asked if we’d be celebrating Hubby-jr’s birthday and that led me to ask my son what he wanted to do for his birthday. Would he prefer his friends coming over or going out to watch a movie? Without hesitation and with much excitement he chose the former. So I called his two “babyhood” friends’ mothers that evening. Next day I brought him to choose his cake. This morning I called for pizzas. And that was that, we had a mini birthday celebration.

It was great seeing him brimming with excitement in anticipation of his friends coming over for his birthday the last two days. To think he was once afraid of parties. He has really grown.

“Thank you mommy for preparing for my friends to come” he said after I spent some time in the morning getting the house and things in order.

“I really enjoyed my birthday (party) today,” smiling as he told his daddy over dinner.

And that was all it took for this mommy-fied woman to think and feel – it is all worth it. Being mommy-fied isn’t so bad after all. 

My Space

I never knew how precious this particular commodity is until I became mommyfied.

And I’m feeling so stripped of it now that it is the school holidays!!!

Help! I need space. S-P-A-C-E.

Oh yeah, I get “some”, here and there, but that’s NOT ENOUGH!

My dear speech delayed son has improved enough to want to chat incessantly. Yes I am thankful (thank you Lord) BUT… I need MY SPACE.

To curb cabin fever I’ve to schedule sporadic outings. Traveling and eating out with two young kids can be fun but unavoidably there are “those” times where it’s just nerve wrecking.  

On quieter non-outing days… yes, my two kids can and do play with each other so I don’t have to play with them… but after 15 minutes or so, one of them will come looking (or shouting) for me. They need mommy’s help or something or just my attention.

Little Missy naps for 2-3 hours (God bless her!) BUT almost 5 year old Hubby-jr may or may not. Thankfully I’ve trained him to stay in his room for an hour (if he can’t nap, he can read his books).

BUT people, that’s all I’m getting – ONE hour. Out of 11 hours (yes, hubby’s away daily for that many hours).

Can you now understand my dire need for space? Yes, S-P-A-C-E!!!

Just when will the d*mn holidays be over?!!

“I can do this. I can stay sane. I’ve survived a week already. Late next week we’ll be off to visit my parents in Malaysia. Hang in there mommyfied. It’s only a few days more…deep breaths. Take deep breaths. I can do this… I can…”

My Girl and Shoes

It is apparent that my darling Little Missy has inherited my shoe fetish genes (which I’m sure is not unique to me and plagues most women)!

The telling signs appeared when she just about 18 months, she tried on shoes along with me at the shoe department one day. She jumped out of her stroller (after she saw me trying on my third pair of shoes), took off her shoes and signalled daddy to pick shoes and help her try them on!  (Mommy was obviously too busy…)

Dear Hubby just shook his head and blamed mommy, yeah moi. He thinks she picked up the “bad habit” just from observing how gleeful I looked whilst I was trying out shoe after shoe after shoe. What can I say? Trying out shoes for fun is one of my “hobbies”. Sometimes I end up buying them, often I do not.

Anyhoo, the fetish is here to stay (with Little Missy). But mind you, she has a mind of her own. She determines which shoes she likes and which ones, NOT.

These fake pink crocs used to be her favourite. It was her “default” going out shoes although she had a good number of shoes. Then a few weeks ago I decided to buy her more shoes as her little feet were growing. It was not easy. She rejected MANY shoes and just wanted her fake crocs. “No! Don wan. Wan pink shoos!”

Unfazed, I pressed on (yeah I love shopping for shoes for my girl as much as for myself!) Finally she picks the cute blue flip-flops (with a back band). How did I know she liked them? She refused to take them off after trying them on?! Then she does a gleeful kind of skip out of the shop, squealing now and then! The same happened with the light blue denim and pink shoes (at another shop, another day…)

“Mommy, what are you doing to her?!” exclaims dear Hubby. Oops, he happened to be there when I bought the blue denim shoes and he saw her pure excitement over her new shoes.

Okay, so I like to indulge my little girl now and then (sue me!) The other of her two current favourite pairs of shoes are hand-me-downs (see! we’re not snooty, a shoe is a shoe, even if it’s not new). For the world of me I can’t figure out why she loves the spiderman slippers (see how worn out they’re getting), they are her “default” walk around the neighbourhood footwear.

Woah, this is a pret-ty long post about my two year old’s… shoes! Might seem like nothing but a load of fluff to some of you. Oh well, one man (woman)’s fluff is another’s fetish. Serious fetish!

P/S: She has other shoes I have not featured here.

What is a fulfilled life?

This song moved me to tears.

As a mother I want my children’s world to be perfect. If not, the closer to perfection the better. I realise in part this is because unconsciously I’ve been subscribing to some degree to the notion that a “successful” life is a “fulfilled” life. Yes I’ve unknowingly believed that if my children are successful in this world they’d be fulfilled. By success here I mean doing well in school, socially, etc.

It is not something I’m proud of as a Christian mom but the truth hit me recently.

Why else would I catch myself at times so saddened by my son’s speech delay? He’s otherwise a healthy, cheerful and well rounded boy. And what if he wasn’t?

“I’m just afraid he may have a hard time adjusting to school or society…” is the usual argument I give myself.

So what? I now realise that a fulfilled life has nothing to do with a “normal life” or a “successful life”. It has to do with how we feel about ourselves. Do we feel valued? Do we know we were intrinsicly made? Our Maker didn’t go “oops, oh dear…” We were beautifully crafted (blemish and all) for a purpose. Our lives are valued and meaningful.

Psalm 139: 13, 14

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

John 10:10

(Jesus said) I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

With this wonderful renewed realisation, whatever unnecessary anxiety I had over my son has gone away. With faith he can lead a fulfilled life and that’s all that really matters.

P/S: This is the link to the song, God’s Will by Martina McBride. Click (More info) on the right hand side of the youtube page for the lyrics to the song.