Music to My Ears

Finding out that my son has mild hearing loss in his right ear was difficult for me. And after some “grieving” I’ve come to terms with it. I no longer quietly wish somewhere in a corner of my heart that things would be different, that he would be “normal”. I’ve accepted that it is what it is. The hearing problem is not going away and that we’ll just manage it.

Having said that, I’m not above feeling pangs in my heart every now and then especially when I see (hear?) other boys his age rattling off stories to their moms. It’s worse when I observe younger boys with amazing speech ability. This “pain” (I think) is only something moms of “different” kids know of and struggle with. 

At such moments I tell myself to NOT compare but to focus instead on Hubby-jr’s progress.

And I am so thankful that he IS progressing.

“What are you doing mommy?” he asked me several times this week. It’s the first real question he’s ever asked me. Yeah sure he’s been asking me for stuff like water, food, tv, etc. for the longest time now. But this, this was a real wanting-to-know question. Not a request.

Today he even asked me, “What are you eating mommy?”

Let me tell you these questions are music to my ears.

A year ago, his language ability was so delayed he couldn’t even answer me when I asked him what he did in school. These days he can tell me a thing or two about what he did in school. And now he’s starting to ask me questions. For a speech delayed child this IS progress people!

To top it off, he told me sometime this week, “Mommy I enjoyed talking to friends on the school bus.”

Friends? Talking? Wow! A year ago he wasn’t even socializing well!

Hallelujah! Just keep the music coming. Sweet music to my ears.

Alas! Good News

It’s been busy, busy, busy since the long school holidays have started. Keeping my two little ones occupied is exhausting! That’s the reason for the infrequent posts but I will try my best to write whenever I can (it helps keep me sane!)

Anyway, I recently had two pieces of good news that I’m just dying to share and it’s all about Hubby-jr my four year old son.

First, Hubby-jr has progressed quite a fair bit in school - he’s playing with his peers! We had our last parent-teacher meeting just before the school break and it was so great to hear some good news for a change (as you can guess, the first meeting wasn’t too great). Apparently he initiated play with some of his classmates on several occasions! With some help from his class teacher in the communication process they end up playing. It’s great news considering one of the major concerns of his class teacher the last time we met was that he didn’t play much with his peers.

Second, Hubby-jr doesn’t need to wear a hearing aid (at least not for now)! Yup, that’s what the audiologist told us at our last hearing test a week ago (audiologist wanted monthly checks just to make sure hearing loss was not progressive). When she tested him on hearing using both ears he could pick up sounds on a normal range. So that means he is able to use his good ear to compensate. What’s more there were no deterioration in his right ear hearing loss, so now they’d only need to monitor his hearing every 6 months instead of every month! Needless to say I was estatic and relieved! I feel like we’ve reached the silver lining!

We still need to work on his speech. Almost the entire holiday is filled with weekly speech therapy sessions. And when school starts I won’t have the luxury of resting on my laurels. The audiologist advised me to get the daily lesson plans from his class teacher so that I can either prepare him for his school day beforehand or revise it with him when he gets home. The pressing matter for now is to aid him in acquiring his speech. So that when he reaches primary one, in a bigger classroom albeit noisier setting even if he can’t hear 100% he’d have enough cognitive ability to guess what is being said most of the time.

So it’s gonna be a lot of hardwork for both of us but at least I know what we can and should do and I know we’ll progress. It’s wonderfully hopeful and simply great. I couldn’t have asked for a better ending to the school year.

This is a photo of Hubby-jr at his first hearing test or as he knows it a “hearing game”. He gets to play a few different games at each session. At this one he has to put one of those red wooden buttons into the board each time he hears a sound.

Impact of Hearing Loss

Here’s a very interesting chart on the impact of the various degree of hearing loss. Take a look, it’s quite an eye opener.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am very thankful that I was advised to send Hubby-jr for a hearing test. As I was talking to a friend recently, we wondered if there were kids that were misdiagnosed as autistic when it was just a simple case of hearing loss or impairment. The delayed speech and social skills certainly made it look like Hubby-jr may have “PDD-NOS“.

Yes, I’ve learnt and am learning quite a fair bit!

By the way, Hubby-jr may need a hearing aid after all. Even though his hearing loss is mild the effect on his social skills and learning can be quite significant at his age. (See the chart for a clearer picture)

The most obvious that was pointed out to us was that he may not be able to pick up subtle conversational cues thus affecting his social skills. And from what I observe of him daily, he is a little awkward when trying to play with other children.  

He’s starting his formal speech therapy sessions next week and has another hearing test coming up a week later. At the meantime we’re praying for God to completely heal his right ear. Pray with us.

More Speech Development Links

I had a little trouble falling asleep two nights ago. This time it was not due to the usual suspect… anxiety. This time it was because I was excited! I was surfing the net just before bed and like a kid stumbling into a free flow candy store, I discovered some wonderful speech development websites! Check them out.

General Speech Development Stuff 

• First stop, Speech Delay.com - I like this site because it’s comprehensive and very easy to understand. There’s a page on the degree of hearing loss which gave me a clearer picture of Hubby-jr’s situation (the chart helped a lot). If you’re interested to know, Hubby-jr has about 40-50dB HL only in the low frequencies and only in his right ear.
• Speech-Pathology.org - Okay the only reason I’m listing this site here is because I like their one particular page which charts normal speech sound development in kids. It’s a useful gauge.
• Speech Language Pathology Websites - A very comprehensive list of sites. This is where I found (in the Children category) the other sites l’ve mentioned here but if you need other related information, this is a good place to start.

Websites with Ideas/Activites to Encourage Speech Development

• Speech Therapy Activities (Speechtx.com) - I LOVE this site. It’s just filled with free ideas.
• Communication Connects (Parents Page) - They have a list of home activity ideas.

That’s it for now. I hope you find them useful.

By the way I struggled through the next day due to my lack of sleep. Hmm… I think I better stop surfing the internet too near bedtime lest I stumble on something that’s gonna overstimulate my mind!

“Yes honey, I’m coming to bed soon… as soon as I’m done at the computer…”

Freaky Mommy

Yes that’s me, freaky mommy. I may be an “in tune” mommy but I’m also a freaky mommy. It’s been so evident of late. On Monday we had to bring Hubby-jr for a CT Scan to determine if his hearing loss is due to EVA (Enlarged Vestibular Aqueducts).

(Flashback to week before…)
CT SCAN! ENLARGED VESTIBULAR AQUEDUCTS! Hearing those words was enough to freak me somewhat when I was told the week before. But that wasn’t all… “they” (the establishment!) would have to sedate Hubby-jr for the scan as he’d have to lie perfectly still during the “procedure”. (Lying still would be impossible for my 4-yr old… meanwhile my freaky measurement rises…) First “they” would try oral sedative but if it failed (i.e. he’s not knocked out!) they’ll have to insert a stronger dose (think its anesthesia) through an intravenous line (IV). IV! Freaky meter reached dangerous levels! Beep! Beep!! Beep!!! Only prayer brought the levels down.

(Back to Monday…)
Stepping into the hospital and “checking in” to Day Surgery Center made my knees shake (I don’t take to hospitals very well). Tried my best to stay normal for my son, thankfully hubby was also there. When we were told they’d have to insert the IV thingy into Hubby-jr’s hand, I asked hubby to go with him. I had to sit it out. I KNEW he would SCREAM throughout and he did. I froze when I heard his screams from out of the room. Yes, it totally freaked me out. Totally.

He came out all shaken and in tears hugging tightly to daddy who was lying with him in bed. I hugged him and comforted him as best I could. My poor son. Next was to wait for him to fall asleep. The nurses started pushing him to the radiology section while my son looked just like a frightened rabbit wondering what would be happening next. I was by his side holding his hand. They pushed him to a corner supposedly to let him fall asleep but in just a minute or so they pushed him to another corner and minutes later, another!

That’s when all my freakiness disappeared and the mama bear in me took over. I FIRMLY told the nurses, “Stop moving him around. He’s frightened. Let him settle down first PLEASE! Otherwise he’s not going to fall asleep!” We were finally left alone … just then another nurse pops up and suggested moving him to another spot! (Can you believe it?!) I just SHOOSHED her and waved her away. No one is coming near my son until he sleeps! NO ONE!

Sleep he finally did. They completed the CT Scan in a jiffy and without any glitches (he didn’t stir halfway so they didn’t have to insert any extra sedative or whatever!). I heaved a huge sigh of relief. An hour later he wakes up and I was dancing (in my head and toes). After that the specialist came and told us Hubby-jr doesn’t have EVA and I was giddy! Praise God! I won’t have to stop my active son from jumping, swinging, etc. Hallelujah!

So, they can’t determine the cause of Hubby-jr’s mild hearing loss in his right ear but they’ll be monitoring his hearing every month. Meantime hubby and I decided that we will start him on formal speech therapy sessions and see how that goes. If his progress is less than acceptable then we’ll arrange for him to wear a hearing aid.

Phew… I’m so glad the hospital check ends there. I could do with being less freaky and more in tune!

Hearing Loss - Confirmed.

An update. Yes it’s confirmed, Hubby-jr has mild hearing loss in his right ear. We went for his second test yesterday. He will now have to go through some checks by an pediatric ENT to try and determine its cause. After which he’d probably be fitted with a hearing aid on his right ear.

Well having grieved openly about it, I’m feeling much better about the whole thing, 95% of me is okay. The other 5% is unsure of what to expect next… not looking forward to having more checks and probably formal speech therapy sessions. But as hubby says, Just Trust God. Worrying is NOT going to help.

I’m also feeling much better these few days because Hubby-jr has shown small but significant improvements in his speech. Just working with him at snippets of time throughout the day is paying off and is a huge encouragement for me. It is true then, what a speech therapist told me, the few minutes we spend each day stimulating his speech goes a longer way than the one-hour per week speech therapy sessions.   

This has impressed and reminded me of the significant impact we have on our children’s lives. So stay home mommies, take heart. What we do, does make a difference.  

Motherhood

Motherhood started like boot camp for me and when things got better after a year, I thought I could finally cruise through parenting. Boy! Was I wrong?! I’ve had to revise my expectations again and again and AGAIN!  

You see I have a quirky son. Most times he is “normal” but certain other times, not so. If you have the time you can read about it here, here and here.

Most recently we discovered that he could possibly be suffering some hearing loss in his left ear which may require a hearing aid. While 70 percent of me has come to terms with this, 30 percent of me is still struggling. It’s hard news to hear. My dream of a “perfect” boy is no longer intact. Part of me is grieving for that loss. 

Trust me, I know there are people who are worse off than I am. Trust me, I am thankful that he can still lead a “normal” life. I KNOW. Yet the fact remains that I am only human. I am a normal mommy. I need to grieve my “loss”. Then and only then can I move on, accept it fully and bring up my son as best as I can (with lots of grace from God of course!). 

Katherine from Raising Five wrote a very, very beautiful post today on how we should let go of our dreams and embrace our children (and parenting and our husbands) for who they are. If you’ve not been to her blog, you have to TODAY! Like NOW!

These thoughts ministered to me this week as I struggle… God didn’t make a mistake creating my special son. HE not only chose Hubby-jr to be my son, HE chose ME to be his mother. HE will not lead me where HIS grace will not keep me. 

And I found this verse that spoke to me of HIS love for little children and their mommies. 

Isaiah 40:11 (NKJV)

He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young.

Motherhood is extremely tough (as I’m finding out and am sure will continue to find out) but as Katherine puts it, we will get through it.

Hearing Loss?

Okay, I’m finally writing a somewhat overdued update on my post, A New Journey. Last week we (hubby and I) brought Hubby-jr to his first test, a hearing test. 

I don’t know if its bad or good news but one thing’s for sure I feel very relieved. Preliminary findings suggest that Hubby-jr has problems hearing the lower decibels (I think 20-30) on his right ear. His left ear however has perfect hearing. The audiologist has not confirmed her diagnosis and we’ve to see her again for another test early October. The current results may have been less than perfect as Hubby-jr may have just gotten less responsive due to restlessness (he is only 4!). She doesn’t want to mistake hesitant response to not hearing well and hopefully the next test will be more conclusive. 

How am I taking the news? Like I said, I feel very relieved NOW but I was almost reduced to a wreck when the audiologist dished out the results. “I’d like to see him again… something may be wrong with his right inner ear… can’t hear very soft sounds… he’ll have to wear hearing aid… may need more tests to see if it’s structural… may be progressive (hearing loss worsens)… see if it’s operable…” The audiologist just wanted to prepare us for what may lie ahead but as a parent, those words hit me like waves, BIG Strong waves! Whoosh! WHOosh!! WHOOSH!!!

Thankfully it only took a day or two for the waves to subside and I began to see things rationally. The news although not ideal wasn’t so bad and would help explain the concerns his nursery teacher had regarding him not doing well in group activities and not socialising well with his peers. PLUS we would know how to help him. 

Yes, if her diagnosis is confirmed based on this initial assessment, my son will have to wear a hearing aid on his right ear and attend formal speech therapy sessions.

While he may be experiencing hearing loss only for soft sounds and only in one ear, it’s affecting his speech development. This is because a lot of the sounds used in our spoken language fall within the lower decibel range. So he may have problems hearing some words clearly. And while he can understand us well at home, in a noisier setting he’d have problems deciphering verbal language. For example in a class full of children he may not catch what the teacher is saying. Hence a hearing aid will help. Hearing loss also affects his social skills which can lead to lower self confidence, self esteem. Social skills how? Apparently he may have problems understanding words spoken by someone unfamiliar as he’s not used to their voices and the way they speak. 

Meantime as I work on Hubby-jr’s speech at home I’ve to speak more to his left ear (so that he can catch the right diction) or make sure he’s looking at me. 

I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I finally took this journey of tests. I’m so relieved that we are finding this out now instead of when Hubby-jr’s seven. With a little help he’ll be able to catch up in his speech and we’re able to help build his self confidence.

So I have this advice for parents… 

If your child is still experiencing speech delay by four years old seek professional assessment. Yes, visit a speech therapist. If nothing’s wrong, praise God. If something’s amiss you’d be thankful to have caught it early. I know it’s very scary just thinking about what the cause might be but it could make a world of difference to your child. When I think about it, it’s scarier for the child if something’s not right and we’re expecting him to fit in. If Hubby-jr is experiencing some hearing loss I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be for him to be left alone in a new environment especially in a big group. Knowing this I can help him cope. 

Always opt for the infant hearing test. Over here in Singapore it’s optional and offered at birth. Unfortunately hubby and didn’t opt for it for both our kids. The audiologist told us that if Hubby-jr had done it, the infant hearing test would have been an invaluable baseline. She would have been able to tell us a if his hearing loss had progressed or regressed or remained the same and it would have helped in her overall assessment.