Impact of Hearing Loss

Here’s a very interesting chart on the impact of the various degree of hearing loss. Take a look, it’s quite an eye opener.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am very thankful that I was advised to send Hubby-jr for a hearing test. As I was talking to a friend recently, we wondered if there were kids that were misdiagnosed as autistic when it was just a simple case of hearing loss or impairment. The delayed speech and social skills certainly made it look like Hubby-jr may have “PDD-NOS“.

Yes, I’ve learnt and am learning quite a fair bit!

By the way, Hubby-jr may need a hearing aid after all. Even though his hearing loss is mild the effect on his social skills and learning can be quite significant at his age. (See the chart for a clearer picture)

The most obvious that was pointed out to us was that he may not be able to pick up subtle conversational cues thus affecting his social skills. And from what I observe of him daily, he is a little awkward when trying to play with other children.  

He’s starting his formal speech therapy sessions next week and has another hearing test coming up a week later. At the meantime we’re praying for God to completely heal his right ear. Pray with us.

Read This

This is a great article I found by way of Rocks In My Dryer. A must read for all parents whether your kid is quirky or not.  

Kids Who Don’t Fit In… You and Your Quirky Kid by Lorraine Ali, Newsweek.

Have a great weekend!

Respect Your Husband = Not Nagging

A while ago I wrote Submit = Respecting Your Husband and that post was quite popular. I suspect I’m not the only one struggling with “submission” issues. Well if you are one of “me” I want to share with you a must read article I chanced upon today, I’m Not a Nag … Am I?

“I have a need, and it’s not being met when and how I want it to be.” For a long time, I couldn’t figure out why my husband didn’t understand this. I thought of nagging as “reminders” or “motivation.” But when I asked David for his explanation, he agreed with the more descriptive definition in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary: “To find fault incessantly.” Ouch!

Sounds familiar? That’s an excerpt from the article. Sabrina, the author, also shares four ways to be nag free! She quotes,

 “Scripture tells us that wives are to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), and nagging shows a lack of respect.”

I don’t know about you but those words hit me and I’ve some pondering to do. My nagging seems to have increased proportionately to the number of years hubby and I’ve been married (almost 6) and the number of kids we have (we only have 2!). Me think it’s time to reverse it a little… OKAY maybe more than a little…

Sigh… anyway… don’t miss the other great reads on the topic of marriage from the same site:

God, Why Don’t You Fix My Husband?
What Every Husband Needs To Know 

P/S: I found these articles by way of Raising Five where she quoted from the “What Every Husband Needs To Know” article.

P/P/S: Have a blessed Sunday!

Behavioural Problems… NOT!

By recognizing that every child is different and matures at a different rate, I hope you will begin to see his behaviour from a new perspective. What you previously considered as “behavioural problems” is simply actual behaviour that does not meet your expectations of what a child his age “should” display. 

I read this in The Straits Times’ supplement Mind Your Body dated 11 July 2007. Kenny Toh, a life coach was addressing a reader’s bewilderment with her son’s behaviour in kindergarten. While at home he’s active and participative, in school he’s quiet and reserved. She asks, “Is he simply shy or is he socially phobic?” and adds “I am lost and upset about my son’s behavioural problem in school.” 

I love Kenny’s response above as he tells this mom that the child’s behaviour is normal for his age. I can identify with the mom and I had to learn the above lesson a year and half ago the hard way. One I still have to remind myself time and time again. 

You see Hubby-jr was unexpectedly unique. Beginining 2006 I started him on playgroup. It was only a one and half hour session in the morning, Mondays to Fridays. While it took other kids a week to adjust to playgroup, my son took 2-3 weeks!

When I had to leave him alone at playgroup after the first week of being with him, he’d stand in a corner and scream, and I mean REALLY scream!. He would scream on and off (taking breaks only to garner his energy) for the entire session. Yes, for one and half hours! This continued for a WHOLE week (he almost lost his voice). During that time I would come home and cry. It was heart wrenching. I seriously wondered if I should pull him out but decided to wait and see. Thankfully the teacher was patient, understanding and really loved kids. The second week, the screaming continued but one day, he stopped and observed when they sang songs. Another day, he stopped and actually walked near the teacher to look at something before walking away to his corner. Slowly, very slowly we started seeing minute improvements and finally one day he just stopped crying and slowly began to participate. 

I was greatly distressed when he was doing the screaming thingy. I was also very disappointed when he was the ONLY child that was still crying (more like screaming!) when ALL the others had settled in. Initially I tried my best to assure him but when the disappointment got to me one day I lost my cool and scolded him and… I actually told him, “Mommy’s disappointed in you”. The second those words came out my mouth I was filled with regret. When I told hubby, he said, “Oh no! Is he going to be emotionally scarred?” I couldn’t sleep that night.  

Next morning after dressing him up, I looked him in the eye and told him…“Mommy is very sorry to have said you were a disappointment. Mommy didn’t mean it, you are not a disappointment. Mommy’s very proud of you. Please forgive me.” Then I taught him to say, “Yes, I forgive you mommy.” After that I told him, “Mommy cannot make you brave. You have to find it in your own heart to be brave and I know you can do it. You take all the time you need and mommy will be here to support you.” 

I wasn’t sure if he’d understand me but I felt I had to say it to him. Well at some level he must have because it was very shortly after that, that he started to adjust to playgroup. 

My attitude changed that night I couldn’t sleep. I realised I was disappointed because he didn’t meet my expectations of him. I revised my expectations, accepted him for him and became more supportive. I think he sensed the change and it helped him adjust. 

Today, Hubby-jr’s still “unique”. There have been more incidences where I had to take stares from other mothers and kids while he screamed (Hubby-jr’s doesn’t handle change or new things very well). I’m happy to say that I’ve never repeated the words “disappointment” and I’m definitely more supportive. God has and is definitely using him to teach me patience! 

I’m also very proud to say that Hubby-jr’s grown by leaps and bounds. He’s matured a lot this year and is learning to cope with changes a whole lot better. :-)

Why?

It has been a weird week for me. Weird in a sad, tragic way. Last Sunday I bumped into an old friend I haven’t seen for a long while. We chatted, catching up with what’s happening in our lives, yadda, yadda, yadda, exchanging information on friends we both know, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then suddenly he pauses as he realizes something.  

“You remember so and so?” he asked. “Yeah, she was my classmate back in secondary school. Big eyes, pretty girl.” I replied. 

He then hesitated and there was something in his body language and facial expression that made my heart skip a beat and sent a chill down my spine. In my gut I knew, although I was desperately hoping otherwise, what he was about to say… “she committed suicide”… 

Those words hit me hard (much harder than I realized then). We carried on chatting for a little more, exchanged contact numbers and went our way. Apparently my girlfriend from school suffered a bad marriage, her husband had an affair. Depression drove her over the edge. She left behind kids too. 

Tragic isn’t it? It’s the second time in my life that I’ve received such news and both times it left me with a very heavy heart. Suicide. It’s so tragic. Why? I keep asking myself why?  

I lost contact with my friend a long, long time ago. We went our separate ways after “O” Levels (secondary school). I remember her, for the whole of last week faded memories came sporadically. We were quite close in fact. She was pretty and a very nice girl. 

Ironically as I find out from my old friend, she lived only ten minutes away from my current home. All this while and I didn’t know and our paths never met. If only… 

I went through a gamut of emotions the last 7 days trying to process the news. The Psalm of Life was how I wished she had lived. I am so sorry that she felt her life was no longer worth living. I wish I was there for her or that someone was there for her. Someone who could’ve helped her. 

I am acutely reminded not to be too inward looking and to take time to notice and care for the people around me. To get to know our neighbours and to stay in touch with family and friends.

A PSALM OF LIFE by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

WHAT THE HEART OF THE YOUNG MAN SAID TO THE PSALMIST.

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real!  Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,–act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;–

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

footprint-small.jpg

Babies not as innocent as they pretend

Babies not as innocent as they pretend, reports Richard Gray, Science Correspondent at Telegraph.co.uk. Below are excerpts from the article.

Behavioural experts have found that infants begin to lie from as young as six months. Simple fibs help to train them for more complex deceptions in later life.

Until now, psychologists had thought the developing brains were not capable of the difficult art of lying until four years old.

Infants quickly learnt that using tactics such as fake crying and pretend laughing could win them attention. By eight months, more difficult deceptions became apparent, such as concealing forbidden activities or trying to distract parents’ attention.

By the age of two, toddlers could use far more devious techniques, such as bluffing when threatened with a punishment.

Hubby’s response to the article sums up my exact thoughts, “like we don’t know this already!” In addition I want to say, “I could have told you that!” 

Yeah, it’s really nothing new. Still I guess it’s nice to have in print officially. It could prove to be useful especially when dealing with grandparents. “See mom, they’re not as innocent as you think and it’s not just me saying so. The experts agree!”

Watch this video clip of Little Missy and see for yourself. Her older brother interprets what she wants very well at the end of “the show”. 

Submit = Respect Your Husband

Did you notice a new link on my blog? It’s Faith Lifts, a nice site I found with nuggets of encouraging spiritual stuff mainly for Christian stay home moms. It features short write-ups, nothing too heavy. Just what I need now and then.

When I visited their site last week, they had this article entitled “Wives Submit…” under the Marriage category. You can view it here wives-submit.doc (I saved it as a word document as I wasn’t sure how long the post would remain on their site) . The writer talked about respecting your husband as a form of submission.

It was a very good reminder for me to respect hubby. It’s not that I don’t, it’s that I don’t make enough effort to do so in our everyday lives and especially in little everyday things. After a long day with the kids at home, I’m not always receptive to what hubby has to say. Sometimes when hubby has an idea, I just go, “what?! why?!”, brushing him off and not quite listening.

A recent example, hubby came home one day and excitedly told me he wanted to buy a new shower head for our bathroom. He had stayed overnight at a hotel for an office event and was just blown away from how shiok it was to shower at the hotel. You can hardly blame me for being less than enthusiastic at his “wonderful” experience and idea. I was exhausted as he was busy with night meetings coming home near midnight for 5 days in a row. “What?! Why change the shower head?!”…. snap, snap, snap, brushing him off. Hardly very respectful. Later although I did ease into his idea I still wondered what the big deal was.

Lo and behold just yesterday hubby came home with a brand new shower head (a big one with four adjustable variations) and fixed it up in a jiffy. And I must say, it did make a world of difference. It really made showering a whole new experience! So he was right. I should’ve been more supportive and respectful.

shower.jpg

Just as women love to be loved and feel cared for, I guess for men it’s being respected… even when it’s silly!

Happy Father’s Day

To all fathers out there (especially dear hubby), this one’s for you. Be inspired and Happy Father’s Day!

“Nothing has touched me more deeply than [this honor given to me] by the National Father’s Day committee. By profession, I am a soldier and take great pride in that fact. But I am prouder, infinitely prouder, to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build. The father only builds, never destroys. The one has the potentialities of death, the other embodies creation and life. And while hordes of death are mighty, the battalions of life are mightier still. It is my hope that my son, when I am gone, will remember me not from the battle, but in the home.” 

General Douglas MacArthur, one of the greatest military leaders of all time, said this in 1942 after he had been given an award for being a good father.

Violence in Movies

I chanced upon this article a few weeks ago and would like to share it with you. 

Is there a relationship between violence in our movies and violence in our realities? An interesting view from someone in the movie industry. This was written against the backdrop of the recent Virginia Tech incident.

Making a Killing
By MIKE WHITE
Published: May 2, 2007, New York Times
Los Angeles

THE first movie I ever made was called “Death Creek Camp.” It told the age-old story of a group of teenage guys who set out on a fun-filled wilderness excursion only to be stalked and murdered by a psychopath disguised in a hockey mask and a blue kimono. It was no masterpiece of cinema.

Most of the scenes played out the same way - one of the fresh-faced hikers would get separated from the group. He would hear a noise in the bushes. “Bob? Jerry, is that you? Charlie?” Suddenly, from behind a tree, the stalker would pounce and blood would fly.

Why the killer wore a blue kimono was never explained nor why he wanted these nice campers dead. He was a deranged monster and that’s what monsters do. As the filmmaker, I was more interested in how the ketchup would drip off the victim’s cheek and where to plunge the retractable knife. I was 12.

The inspirations for this home movie (and the centerpieces of many Saturday night sleepovers) were slasher films like “Friday the 13th,” “Halloween” and “Terror Train.” My friends and I would eat junk food, drink soda and watch these cinematic bloodbaths until we dozed off, visions of gore and mayhem dancing in our heads.

Even though we all came from religious families - my father was a minister - it was rarely questioned whether our adolescent minds should be exposed to this kind of gruesome material. And clearly, we were the intended audience. My parents never sat and watched, nor did my sister, for that matter. The movies were titillating, shocking and dumb - and we teenage boys thought they were so cool. We devoured them and they, in turn, juiced us up.

After the horrific events at Virginia Tech, the relationship between violence in our movies and violence in our realities is being examined once again. Was Seung-Hui Cho inspired by a movie (the South Korean revenge flick “Oldboy”) when he murdered 32 of his classmates and teachers? Was Mr. Cho a deranged predator in a horror film, or was he a lost kid who could have been reached?

Hollywood and defenders of violent films dismiss Virginia Tech as a “unique” event, arguing that Mr. Cho was profoundly alienated from our culture, not at all a product of it. They assert that there are law-abiding, sane American moviegoers who love the thrill of a visual bloodletting, and then there are mentally disturbed people like Mr. Cho, constitutionally wired to do damage - and never the twain shall meet.

These commentators insist there’s no point debating which came first, the violent chicken or her violent representational egg, since no causal link has ever been proven between egg and chicken anyway. Besides, violent images can be found everywhere - on the news, in great art and literature, even Shakespeare!

For those who believe that violence in cinema consists of either harmless action spectacles or Martin Scorsese masterpieces, I might suggest heading down to the local multiplex and taking a look at some of the grotesque, morbid creations being projected on the walls. To defend mindless exercises in sadism like “The Hills Have Eyes II” by citing “Macbeth” is almost like using “Romeo and Juliet” to justify child pornography.

The notion that “movies don’t kill people, lunatics kill people” is liberating to us screenwriters because it permits us to give life to our most demented fantasies and put them up on the big screen without any anxious hand-wringing. We all know there’s a lot of money to be made trafficking in blood and guts. Young males - the golden demographic movie-makers ceaselessly pursue - eat that gore up. What a relief to be told that how we earn that money may be in poor taste, but it’s not irresponsible. The average American teenage boy knows the difference between right and wrong and no twisted, sadistic movie is going to influence him.

My own experience as a teenager tells me otherwise. For my friends and me, movies were a big influence on our clothes and our slang, and on how we thought about and spoke to authority figures, our girlfriends and one another. Movies permeated our fantasy lives and our real lives in subtle and profound ways.

It’s true nobody ever got shot in the face in my backyard, but there were acts of male bravado performed in emulation of our movie anti-heroes that ranged from stupid to cruel. And there were plenty of places where guys my age were shooting one another all the time. There still are. Can we really in good conscience conclude that the violence saturating our popular culture has no impact on our neighborhoods and schools?

The calamity at Virginia Tech is unfortunately not as unique an event as we’d like to think, but the sheer number of victims has grabbed our attention and inspired some collective soul-searching. As responsible Americans put their heads down on their desks and reflect, should the scribes of popular entertainment be excused to the playground? We screenwriters may be overgrown teenagers who still want to be cool, but we aren’t 12 years old anymore. Maybe we’re not responsible for Mr. Cho’s awful actions, but does that abrogate our responsibility to the world around us?

Most of us who chose careers in this field were seduced by cinema’s spell at an early age. We know better than anyone the power films have to capture our imaginations, shape our thinking and inform our choices, for better and for worse. At the risk of being labeled a scold - the ultimate in uncool - I have to ask: before cashing those big checks, shouldn’t we at least pause to consider what we are saying with our movies about the value of life and the pleasures of mayhem?

Mike White is the screenwriter of “School of Rock” and, most recently, “Year of the Dog.”