It’s Mine!

“It’s mine!”

That’s what I’ve been hearing a lot lately from both my kids. Yup, the usual siblings’ squabble.

It’s amazing isn’t it, how a (once upon a time, not too long ago, sorely neglected) toy’s appeal increases exponentially the very second one child picks it up and decides to play with it. Before you know it, the other child wants to play with it too. Yah, and just as suddenly, the toy that they were playing with earlier is no longer “current”.

The grass is just always greener on the other side.

Anyhoo, the tussle over toys isn’t new at all. It started way back. What’s new though is that now my son (almost 5, speech delay) can declare, “it’s mine!” (It used to be just, “No, Mei-Mei, No!”) And my two year old Little Missy can counter that with, “no, it’s mine!” (Hurray! Her speech development’s “normal”).

Of course the “it’s mine” goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…
Add this, “Mei-mei (sister), you play with this (another toy).”
And this “No!!” Scream!
Then back to, “it’s mine” banter.

It is quite a racket. It can and does drive me nuts. Yet at the same time…
It is so good to hear those two words come out of my son’s mouth (and my daughter’s).
It. Is. Good.

Teaching “My” and “Your”

Even as Hubby-jr speech development is progressing well, he still lags behind his peers. One key problem area is in using “I”, “You”, “My”, “Your”. He frequently mixes them up or just refers to himself by name.

To address this, his speech therapist introduced these two activities. The second is a progression of the first.

First Speech Activity

She played a simple game in which she and Hubby-jr had to take turns. After playing for a while and Hubby-jr understood the rules of the game, she stopped and asked, “Whose turn is it now?” His natural reply was “his name” (if it was his turn) or “teacher” (if it was the speech therapist’s turn). She’d then intervene and teach him to say, “It’s Hubby-jr, MY turn” or “It’s teacher’s, YOUR turn”. She’d ask the question, “Whose turn is it now?” at every “turn” requiring my son to reply correctly each time before the game could proceed.

After he got the hang of this, he was taught to drop the name and just say, “It’s MY turn” or “It’s YOUR turn”. But she was the one always asking the question and all answers came from Hubby-jr. Back home I did this exercise with him too but with different games.

Second Speech Activity

As a progression, she played this very simple game with Hubby-jr. Sitting face to face, it’d start with her giving specific commands to which my son had to respond. “Touch my nose” (he’d have to touch the therapist’s nose), “Touch your nose”, “Touch my shoulder”, “Touch your lips” and so on (you get the idea). If he made a mistake, she’d repeat the command and guide his hand to the correct place.

After he got the hang of this, he’d get his turn to give the commands and the speech therapist would respond. The game then became one where both of them would alternate in giving the commands and always required the use of “my” and “your“.

This is quite a fun game which my son enjoys. I’ve played it a few times with him at home too.

Since the above exercises he is using “my” and “your” more although he still mixes them up at times and he still prefers to use names rather than pronouns.

Through the process of teaching him ”my” and “your”, I discovered that unknowingly I’ve acquired the habit of using “mommy” instead of “I” or “my” when talking to him. Slowly I’m undoing this and when I consciously change my sentences to use pronouns I can see that he too makes an effort to respond using pronouns!

Music to My Ears

Finding out that my son has mild hearing loss in his right ear was difficult for me. And after some “grieving” I’ve come to terms with it. I no longer quietly wish somewhere in a corner of my heart that things would be different, that he would be “normal”. I’ve accepted that it is what it is. The hearing problem is not going away and that we’ll just manage it.

Having said that, I’m not above feeling pangs in my heart every now and then especially when I see (hear?) other boys his age rattling off stories to their moms. It’s worse when I observe younger boys with amazing speech ability. This “pain” (I think) is only something moms of “different” kids know of and struggle with. 

At such moments I tell myself to NOT compare but to focus instead on Hubby-jr’s progress.

And I am so thankful that he IS progressing.

“What are you doing mommy?” he asked me several times this week. It’s the first real question he’s ever asked me. Yeah sure he’s been asking me for stuff like water, food, tv, etc. for the longest time now. But this, this was a real wanting-to-know question. Not a request.

Today he even asked me, “What are you eating mommy?”

Let me tell you these questions are music to my ears.

A year ago, his language ability was so delayed he couldn’t even answer me when I asked him what he did in school. These days he can tell me a thing or two about what he did in school. And now he’s starting to ask me questions. For a speech delayed child this IS progress people!

To top it off, he told me sometime this week, “Mommy I enjoyed talking to friends on the school bus.”

Friends? Talking? Wow! A year ago he wasn’t even socializing well!

Hallelujah! Just keep the music coming. Sweet music to my ears.

Alas! Good News

It’s been busy, busy, busy since the long school holidays have started. Keeping my two little ones occupied is exhausting! That’s the reason for the infrequent posts but I will try my best to write whenever I can (it helps keep me sane!)

Anyway, I recently had two pieces of good news that I’m just dying to share and it’s all about Hubby-jr my four year old son.

First, Hubby-jr has progressed quite a fair bit in school - he’s playing with his peers! We had our last parent-teacher meeting just before the school break and it was so great to hear some good news for a change (as you can guess, the first meeting wasn’t too great). Apparently he initiated play with some of his classmates on several occasions! With some help from his class teacher in the communication process they end up playing. It’s great news considering one of the major concerns of his class teacher the last time we met was that he didn’t play much with his peers.

Second, Hubby-jr doesn’t need to wear a hearing aid (at least not for now)! Yup, that’s what the audiologist told us at our last hearing test a week ago (audiologist wanted monthly checks just to make sure hearing loss was not progressive). When she tested him on hearing using both ears he could pick up sounds on a normal range. So that means he is able to use his good ear to compensate. What’s more there were no deterioration in his right ear hearing loss, so now they’d only need to monitor his hearing every 6 months instead of every month! Needless to say I was estatic and relieved! I feel like we’ve reached the silver lining!

We still need to work on his speech. Almost the entire holiday is filled with weekly speech therapy sessions. And when school starts I won’t have the luxury of resting on my laurels. The audiologist advised me to get the daily lesson plans from his class teacher so that I can either prepare him for his school day beforehand or revise it with him when he gets home. The pressing matter for now is to aid him in acquiring his speech. So that when he reaches primary one, in a bigger classroom albeit noisier setting even if he can’t hear 100% he’d have enough cognitive ability to guess what is being said most of the time.

So it’s gonna be a lot of hardwork for both of us but at least I know what we can and should do and I know we’ll progress. It’s wonderfully hopeful and simply great. I couldn’t have asked for a better ending to the school year.

This is a photo of Hubby-jr at his first hearing test or as he knows it a “hearing game”. He gets to play a few different games at each session. At this one he has to put one of those red wooden buttons into the board each time he hears a sound.

Impact of Hearing Loss

Here’s a very interesting chart on the impact of the various degree of hearing loss. Take a look, it’s quite an eye opener.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am very thankful that I was advised to send Hubby-jr for a hearing test. As I was talking to a friend recently, we wondered if there were kids that were misdiagnosed as autistic when it was just a simple case of hearing loss or impairment. The delayed speech and social skills certainly made it look like Hubby-jr may have “PDD-NOS“.

Yes, I’ve learnt and am learning quite a fair bit!

By the way, Hubby-jr may need a hearing aid after all. Even though his hearing loss is mild the effect on his social skills and learning can be quite significant at his age. (See the chart for a clearer picture)

The most obvious that was pointed out to us was that he may not be able to pick up subtle conversational cues thus affecting his social skills. And from what I observe of him daily, he is a little awkward when trying to play with other children.  

He’s starting his formal speech therapy sessions next week and has another hearing test coming up a week later. At the meantime we’re praying for God to completely heal his right ear. Pray with us.

More Speech Development Links

I had a little trouble falling asleep two nights ago. This time it was not due to the usual suspect… anxiety. This time it was because I was excited! I was surfing the net just before bed and like a kid stumbling into a free flow candy store, I discovered some wonderful speech development websites! Check them out.

General Speech Development Stuff 

• First stop, Speech Delay.com - I like this site because it’s comprehensive and very easy to understand. There’s a page on the degree of hearing loss which gave me a clearer picture of Hubby-jr’s situation (the chart helped a lot). If you’re interested to know, Hubby-jr has about 40-50dB HL only in the low frequencies and only in his right ear.
• Speech-Pathology.org - Okay the only reason I’m listing this site here is because I like their one particular page which charts normal speech sound development in kids. It’s a useful gauge.
• Speech Language Pathology Websites - A very comprehensive list of sites. This is where I found (in the Children category) the other sites l’ve mentioned here but if you need other related information, this is a good place to start.

Websites with Ideas/Activites to Encourage Speech Development

• Speech Therapy Activities (Speechtx.com) - I LOVE this site. It’s just filled with free ideas.
• Communication Connects (Parents Page) - They have a list of home activity ideas.

That’s it for now. I hope you find them useful.

By the way I struggled through the next day due to my lack of sleep. Hmm… I think I better stop surfing the internet too near bedtime lest I stumble on something that’s gonna overstimulate my mind!

“Yes honey, I’m coming to bed soon… as soon as I’m done at the computer…”

Hearing Loss - Confirmed.

An update. Yes it’s confirmed, Hubby-jr has mild hearing loss in his right ear. We went for his second test yesterday. He will now have to go through some checks by an pediatric ENT to try and determine its cause. After which he’d probably be fitted with a hearing aid on his right ear.

Well having grieved openly about it, I’m feeling much better about the whole thing, 95% of me is okay. The other 5% is unsure of what to expect next… not looking forward to having more checks and probably formal speech therapy sessions. But as hubby says, Just Trust God. Worrying is NOT going to help.

I’m also feeling much better these few days because Hubby-jr has shown small but significant improvements in his speech. Just working with him at snippets of time throughout the day is paying off and is a huge encouragement for me. It is true then, what a speech therapist told me, the few minutes we spend each day stimulating his speech goes a longer way than the one-hour per week speech therapy sessions.   

This has impressed and reminded me of the significant impact we have on our children’s lives. So stay home mommies, take heart. What we do, does make a difference.  

Backward WFMW - Speech Therapy@Home

Since I’ve a speech delayed four year old I’ve been doing some DIY speech therapy at home. So far I’ve worked on some ideas given to me by a speech therapist and my own thought up ones and I’m sharing some of these ideas here today.

In, On, Under

Introduce the concepts of “in”, “on” and “under” using a huge box. Put your kid into the box and say, “You are in the box”. Flip it over and let him sit on top of the box for “on” and cover him with the box for “under”. After you’ve introduced the concepts, ask your kid to go “in” the box and see if he knows how to climb in. Besides giving him the task as you direct, also ask him questions. For example, place him under the box and ask him where he is. Intersperse between giving him directions and asking him where he is.

I was also told a good focus was to teach the basic What, Who, Where, Why and How questions. Knowing these would empower a child tremendously in communicating.

What, Who, Whose

First start with “What” as it is the easiest to grasp. Ask your child “what” questions at every opportunity. Storybooks are a good way to introduce the difference between “what” and “who”. Point to a person and ask, “Who is this?” and then point to the shoes or shirt and ask “What is this?” 

A game I innovated on the spot while playing with my kids was the telescope game. Looking through a long cardboard tube (hey, it’s a telescope!) I wave it around and stop to focus on my son and ask, “Who is this?” Then I move on to things for “what” questions. I also introduced “whose” (ambitious huh?) by focusing on his lips, ears, etc. Actually he found it very fun to stick his mouth at the other end of the tube and that’s when I started asking, “What is this?” and followed by “Whose mouth is this?” You’ll have to provide the correct answers in the beginning if your child hasn’t grasp the concept yet. After a while they will, then you can prompt them to reply.

But folks I’m running out of ideas and have not had any luck locating specific ideas over the internet. So for this week’s backward WFMW I would like to know of any interesting simple play ideas for DIY speech therapy at home. Any activities you know that can help stimulate speech for a four year old would be helpful.

Useful websites I found so far:

I Can – Talking Point (A UK based First Stop for Information About Communication Development and Disability)

Starfall.com (Great website that teaches children how to read. It has helped Hubby-jr pick up phonics and reading words.)

Resources I found reviewed on the internet but am having problems finding in Singapore:
Teach Me How To Say It Right by Dorothy P. Dougherty
Baby Babble - Speech Enhancing DVD for Babies and Toddlers 

(If you’ve read or seen any of these let me know what you think of them. I’d like to know before ordering them on Amazon.com)

Thanks in advance to those of you who’ll be sharing your ideas with me. Don’t forget to check out the burning questions of other moms and see if you can provide them with some insights over at this week’s Backward WFMW at Rocks In My Dryer.

Motherhood

Motherhood started like boot camp for me and when things got better after a year, I thought I could finally cruise through parenting. Boy! Was I wrong?! I’ve had to revise my expectations again and again and AGAIN!  

You see I have a quirky son. Most times he is “normal” but certain other times, not so. If you have the time you can read about it here, here and here.

Most recently we discovered that he could possibly be suffering some hearing loss in his left ear which may require a hearing aid. While 70 percent of me has come to terms with this, 30 percent of me is still struggling. It’s hard news to hear. My dream of a “perfect” boy is no longer intact. Part of me is grieving for that loss. 

Trust me, I know there are people who are worse off than I am. Trust me, I am thankful that he can still lead a “normal” life. I KNOW. Yet the fact remains that I am only human. I am a normal mommy. I need to grieve my “loss”. Then and only then can I move on, accept it fully and bring up my son as best as I can (with lots of grace from God of course!). 

Katherine from Raising Five wrote a very, very beautiful post today on how we should let go of our dreams and embrace our children (and parenting and our husbands) for who they are. If you’ve not been to her blog, you have to TODAY! Like NOW!

These thoughts ministered to me this week as I struggle… God didn’t make a mistake creating my special son. HE not only chose Hubby-jr to be my son, HE chose ME to be his mother. HE will not lead me where HIS grace will not keep me. 

And I found this verse that spoke to me of HIS love for little children and their mommies. 

Isaiah 40:11 (NKJV)

He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young.

Motherhood is extremely tough (as I’m finding out and am sure will continue to find out) but as Katherine puts it, we will get through it.

Hearing Loss?

Okay, I’m finally writing a somewhat overdued update on my post, A New Journey. Last week we (hubby and I) brought Hubby-jr to his first test, a hearing test. 

I don’t know if its bad or good news but one thing’s for sure I feel very relieved. Preliminary findings suggest that Hubby-jr has problems hearing the lower decibels (I think 20-30) on his right ear. His left ear however has perfect hearing. The audiologist has not confirmed her diagnosis and we’ve to see her again for another test early October. The current results may have been less than perfect as Hubby-jr may have just gotten less responsive due to restlessness (he is only 4!). She doesn’t want to mistake hesitant response to not hearing well and hopefully the next test will be more conclusive. 

How am I taking the news? Like I said, I feel very relieved NOW but I was almost reduced to a wreck when the audiologist dished out the results. “I’d like to see him again… something may be wrong with his right inner ear… can’t hear very soft sounds… he’ll have to wear hearing aid… may need more tests to see if it’s structural… may be progressive (hearing loss worsens)… see if it’s operable…” The audiologist just wanted to prepare us for what may lie ahead but as a parent, those words hit me like waves, BIG Strong waves! Whoosh! WHOosh!! WHOOSH!!!

Thankfully it only took a day or two for the waves to subside and I began to see things rationally. The news although not ideal wasn’t so bad and would help explain the concerns his nursery teacher had regarding him not doing well in group activities and not socialising well with his peers. PLUS we would know how to help him. 

Yes, if her diagnosis is confirmed based on this initial assessment, my son will have to wear a hearing aid on his right ear and attend formal speech therapy sessions.

While he may be experiencing hearing loss only for soft sounds and only in one ear, it’s affecting his speech development. This is because a lot of the sounds used in our spoken language fall within the lower decibel range. So he may have problems hearing some words clearly. And while he can understand us well at home, in a noisier setting he’d have problems deciphering verbal language. For example in a class full of children he may not catch what the teacher is saying. Hence a hearing aid will help. Hearing loss also affects his social skills which can lead to lower self confidence, self esteem. Social skills how? Apparently he may have problems understanding words spoken by someone unfamiliar as he’s not used to their voices and the way they speak. 

Meantime as I work on Hubby-jr’s speech at home I’ve to speak more to his left ear (so that he can catch the right diction) or make sure he’s looking at me. 

I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I finally took this journey of tests. I’m so relieved that we are finding this out now instead of when Hubby-jr’s seven. With a little help he’ll be able to catch up in his speech and we’re able to help build his self confidence.

So I have this advice for parents… 

If your child is still experiencing speech delay by four years old seek professional assessment. Yes, visit a speech therapist. If nothing’s wrong, praise God. If something’s amiss you’d be thankful to have caught it early. I know it’s very scary just thinking about what the cause might be but it could make a world of difference to your child. When I think about it, it’s scarier for the child if something’s not right and we’re expecting him to fit in. If Hubby-jr is experiencing some hearing loss I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be for him to be left alone in a new environment especially in a big group. Knowing this I can help him cope. 

Always opt for the infant hearing test. Over here in Singapore it’s optional and offered at birth. Unfortunately hubby and didn’t opt for it for both our kids. The audiologist told us that if Hubby-jr had done it, the infant hearing test would have been an invaluable baseline. She would have been able to tell us a if his hearing loss had progressed or regressed or remained the same and it would have helped in her overall assessment.