Why?

It has been a weird week for me. Weird in a sad, tragic way. Last Sunday I bumped into an old friend I haven’t seen for a long while. We chatted, catching up with what’s happening in our lives, yadda, yadda, yadda, exchanging information on friends we both know, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then suddenly he pauses as he realizes something.  

“You remember so and so?” he asked. “Yeah, she was my classmate back in secondary school. Big eyes, pretty girl.” I replied. 

He then hesitated and there was something in his body language and facial expression that made my heart skip a beat and sent a chill down my spine. In my gut I knew, although I was desperately hoping otherwise, what he was about to say… “she committed suicide”… 

Those words hit me hard (much harder than I realized then). We carried on chatting for a little more, exchanged contact numbers and went our way. Apparently my girlfriend from school suffered a bad marriage, her husband had an affair. Depression drove her over the edge. She left behind kids too. 

Tragic isn’t it? It’s the second time in my life that I’ve received such news and both times it left me with a very heavy heart. Suicide. It’s so tragic. Why? I keep asking myself why?  

I lost contact with my friend a long, long time ago. We went our separate ways after “O” Levels (secondary school). I remember her, for the whole of last week faded memories came sporadically. We were quite close in fact. She was pretty and a very nice girl. 

Ironically as I find out from my old friend, she lived only ten minutes away from my current home. All this while and I didn’t know and our paths never met. If only… 

I went through a gamut of emotions the last 7 days trying to process the news. The Psalm of Life was how I wished she had lived. I am so sorry that she felt her life was no longer worth living. I wish I was there for her or that someone was there for her. Someone who could’ve helped her. 

I am acutely reminded not to be too inward looking and to take time to notice and care for the people around me. To get to know our neighbours and to stay in touch with family and friends.

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2 Responses to “Why?”

  1. keeyit Says:

    May be this is her release from her pain. God will know. God bless..

  2. mommy-fied Says:

    Thanks for the kind words. Still I wish she had chosen Life instead.


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